


The Company of Wolves

by mossalto



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Canonical Character Death, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Multi, Slow Burn, Universe Alteration, Werewolf Lore, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-05 13:23:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 41,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4181436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mossalto/pseuds/mossalto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cassie Fawley arrives at Hogwarts for her final year terrified of her situation and of herself after a werewolf attack that causes friction with her blood-purist family and drives her away from her friends. But she finds comfort in the new DADA teacher, who attempts to convince her that she is not the monster she believes herself to be.<br/>Set during the events of books three - five and possibly beyond, following the original canon with only minor alterations.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a work in progress, so edits may follow later, particularly as I'm aiming to keep this as within the canon as humanly possible. We shall see how long that lasts.
> 
> The title is a reference to Angela Carter's short story of the same name from her collection 'The Bloody Chamber'.
> 
> 'Harry Potter' is the property of J.K Rowling, and the majority of the universe of this fic is derived from her works.

The pity hung heavily in the air. Cassie could feel it in the look that Dumbledore gave her over the rim of his half-moon glasses. She fiddled nervously with a blonde curl, wrapping and unwrapping it from around her finger. The scar that spread web-like across her right shoulder was tingling slightly and she was desperately resisting the urge to scratch at it.

“I have to say, Miss Fawley, that I am very glad you decided to re-join us for this school year.”

Cassie pursed her lips slightly. “No offence Professor, but I’m still not sure it’s a good idea.”

Dumbledore leant forwards in his chair and touched the tips of his fingertips together thoughtfully.

“You know we will make every provision possible to ensure you are able to continue this year in relative comfort. Your situation is unfortunate, but I see no reason you should have to miss out on what is undeniably the most important part of your school career so far.”

“Because, Professor, my education shouldn’t come before the safety of others.” Cassie explained, slightly exasperated. This was an argument they had been having for the last fortnight, first when Dumbledore had shown up unexpectedly to her house a couple of days after the attack and then back and forth by letter since then. Even though Cassie was convinced that she was right, that her being back at Hogwarts was a huge mistake, she had discovered that Dumbledore was an incredibly frustrating person to argue with. Eventually she'd given in and agreed to return, but that was before her first experience of a full moon last night. It had taken her father physically dragging her to the Hogwarts Express to get her to the school at all.

“You are not a danger to anyone merely by being present, Miss Fawley.” smiled Dumbledore benignly. “And I’ve asked you in here today to explain the arrangements I’ve been making for you these past few weeks.” There was a knock on the door, and Dumbledore leant back in his chair. “Ah, wonderful.”

Professor Snape swept into the headmaster’s office, looking even more sour in the mouth than usual. He was followed by a tired looking wizard whom Cassie didn’t recognise, with worn robes and a set of fine silvery scars across his face.

“Severus, Remus, immaculately timed. I was just explaining the arrangements that we have put in place for Miss Fawley this year.”

Snape scowled, as if his being there was a waste of his precious time. The other wizard, Remus, gave her a small encouraging smile and nodded genially as Dumbledore began to outline the plans.

“Professor Snape here has agreed to brew the Wolfsbane necessary to make the full moon somewhat easier for you.”

Snape surveyed her disdainfully. “You will come to my office at prearranged times during the week before the full moon. The Headmaster has indicated that, as you have proven yourself not entirely incompetent when it comes to Potions,” – he said this with a sneer that betrayed exactly how he felt about her so-called talent – “you may wish to learn how to brew the Wolfsbane yourself. It is not an easy potion, but I suppose it cannot waste more than the contents of my stock cupboard and my time to attempt.”

Dumbledore nodded pleasantly. “You may go now Severus.”

Snape gave a curt nod and stalked out of the office. Cassie noticed that he cast a dark glance in the direction of the other wizard before the door shut behind him.

“And this is Professor Lupin, our newly appointed Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. He has agreed to mentor you this year, providing moral support and a sympathetic ear. Your situation is somewhat an area of expertise for him.” Dumbledore chuckled at some unshared joke.

Lupin stepped forwards. “I was thinking we could maybe have tea in my office after the feast. Talk things over, make arrangements, that sort of thing.”

“I'm not staying.” she said firmly.

The two professors glanced at each other.

“Stay for dinner.” Lupin offered. “And then come and meet me in my office. We can decide on the best course of action then.”

Cassie hesitated, sorely tempted to refuse and leave at that moment. She got the feeling, however, that tea with Professor Lupin was the minimal requirement for a peaceful solution, so she nodded.

Dumbledore stood and began snuffing out his candles with a wave of his hand.

“Excellent. Now that that’s all arranged, I think we should make our ways down to the feast. Your friends will no doubt be waiting to discuss the joys the holidays have held for each of you.”

Cassie got the feeling that was a pointed comment aimed at her.

****

“You alright Cass?” Izzy asked, nudging her with a bony elbow.

“Mmm? Yeah. Just didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Or for the last year, by the looks of it. You’re ill.” Izzy turned to Amy, who was examining her fingernails. “She looks ill. Doesn’t she look ill?”

“You’re mothering, Izzy.” Amy said.

“You could at least pretend to be concerned.”

“I’m hungry, okay?” Amy replied irritably. “They’re running late.”

“It was those Dementors.” Izzy said, shuddering slightly at the memory. “Merlin, those things were awful. Remind me never to commit a crime so I don’t have to ever meet another one.”

“Dunno why they had to come into the carriages.” said Amy. “Do they really think one of us would be stowing Black away?”

“Hiding him in the luggage rack.” Cassie offered with a wry smile.

“There we go.” Amy said, elbowing Cassie gently in the ribs. “She’s returned to the land of the living. Told you she was fine.”

“Speaking of, where were you on the train?” asked Izzy “We waited in our spot on the platform, but you weren’t there.”

She was right; Cassie had avoided their usual meeting point, hoping to delay the moment when she had to face her friends and tell them what had happened to her over the summer. It had been easy enough on the train, because the three had occupied the same carriage on the Hogwarts Express since first year. Izzy, a loud and gangly bespectacled girl dressed head to toe in black, and Amy, round faced and wearing white ankle socks with a little flower on them, had got into a fight over who would get the window seat and Cassie had been forced to play peacekeeper. Nothing much had changed in the six years that had passed, except that Izzy shouted a little less now and Amy had grown out of ankle socks.

“I...I was running late, only just got on before it left, and then my trunk burst open, and hinkypunk bile went _everywhere_ , all over Pansy Parkinson’s trunk, and you know what a little shit she is, that really wasn’t an argument I wanted to have, so I spent most of the journey scrubbing it up, and there was this one bit that just got all over my Potions essay and wouldn’t come out even with my strongest scourging spell, and Snape would kill me if I handed it in covered in bile, and then I spent the rest of the time trying to stuff everything back into my trunk. And then the Dementors came and started sniffing around the luggage rack and that was nasty ‘cos I think they thought I was stealing something from Parkinson’s case, had to be rescued by the conductor. He was lovely, made me tea and everything, and then we pulled in to Hogsmeade and I only just got the last carriage up and I think Dumbledore’s speaking now.”

She said all of that very rapidly, hoping that they would stop listening and silently thanked the Headmaster for getting up when he did because she was very rapidly running out of lies. Amy shrugged and turned her attention to the front, but Izzy gave her a severe look for a moment before doing the same. Cassie tried to convince herself that that was just Izzy’s general expression, but didn’t quite manage it.

“Even the gravest business comes second to the happiness of reuniting with old friends and the joy of welcoming new ones.” said Dumbledore jovially. “So now we have hopefully done plenty of the former, it is now time to do the latter. So if you will do the honours, Professor McGonagall?”

McGonagall marched the line of first years up the centre of the hall, each of them with the same awe struck look that every new batch had. When the Sorting Hat was revealed to dumstruck expressions Cassie smiled, remembering a similar expression on some of her classmates’ faces when they had first seen it too. She hadn’t been surprised though, because she had been coached through every step of the ceremony by her parents and was as prepared as humanly possible to follow in her family’s footsteps and become the newest Fawley Slytherin.

Amy was obviously thinking along the same lines as her, because she nudged Cassie as the Sorting Hat began its song and mouthed “Remember ours?”

Cassie nodded, and Izzy turned around and whispered “It’s weird. Six years ago this was us, now this the last one we’ll ever see.”

Amy sighed dramatically. “We’re so old.”

“That we are.”

“I can hardly remember when you were that size. Little Cassiopeia Fawley.”

Cassie winced at the use of her full name. Her mother had insisted on it; apparently it was traditional in their family. Cassie always imagined generations of Cassiopeia’s stretching back across the ages, all despising their name.

“I do remember that you were crying.” added Amy.

“‘Course I was crying. I thought my parents were going to kill me.” Cassie subconsciously adjusted her tie, the yellow and black stripes very different from the green and silver she had been expecting. “Our sorting was the start of the tradition of me being the family disappointment.”

Her stomach dropped as she remembered the new, extra-special way in which she was disgracing her parents, but the others didn’t seem to notice.

Amy raised her glass in a toast “To the family disappointment!” and was promptly shushed by Izzy and Penelope Clearwater at the same time. She pulled a face at Izzy’s back, but Cassie only managed a weak smile. She had managed to forget everything for a while, enjoying being in the company of her friends again. Now she was just dreading being in the common room that evening, when distractions from the truth would be harder to come by.

Tea with Professor Lupin was also an unappealing prospect. She glanced at him at the teacher’s table where he was singing merrily along with the school song. He caught her eye and smiled warmly, but she looked away quickly.

Dumbledore stood again and smiled out at the hall. “Welcome! Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! I have a few things to say to you all, and as one of them is very serious, I think it best to get it out of the way before you become befuddled by our excellent feast.” His expression became sombre. “As you will all be aware after their search of the Hogwarts Express, our school is presently playing host to some of the Dementors of Azkaban, who are currently here on Ministry of Magic business. They are stationed at every entrance of the grounds, and while they are with us, I must make it plain that nobody is to leave school without permission. Dementors are not to be fooled by tricks or disguises – or even Invisibility Cloaks. It is not in the nature of a Dementor to understand pleading or excuses. I therefore warn each and every one of you to give them no reason to harm you. I look to the Prefects, and our new head Boy and Girl, to make sure that no student runs foul of the Dementors.”

There was a long pause after this announcement, and the hall was quieter than Cassie ever remembered it being before.

“On a happier note,” Dumbledore continued, his tone suddenly brighter “I am pleased to welcome two new teachers to our ranks this year. Firstly, Professor Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher.”

There was a smattering of applause throughout the hall. Izzy lent over and whispered “He’s a bit shabby, isn’t he?”

“I think he’s cute.” Amy said. “Like, scruffy-chic.”

“That’s not a thing, Amy.”

“Is too.”

In an attempt to prevent an argument and also seeing an opportunity to explain her planned absence that evening, Cassie announced “He’s nice. He said he wanted to talk to me later, y’know, about the Dementor thing that happened on the train. I think he just wants to check I’m okay.”

“Aw, that’s sweet.” Amy said, and apart from that her meeting with Lupin passed without comment and attention was returned to Dumbledore.

“As to our second new appointment, well, I am sorry to tell you that Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs.”

There was a general sigh of discontent, particularly amongst the seventh years who took the subject with Cassie. They were very fond of Professor Kettleburn, even if his lack of fingers and the chunk of his face that was missing were slightly disturbing.

“However, I am delighted to say that his place will be filled by none other than Rubeus Hagrid, who has agreed to take on this teaching job in addition to his gamekeeping duties.”

The disappointment at Kettleburn’s retirement was replaced by enthusiastic applause. Hagrid was well liked by everyone except the particularly snobby pure-bloods, but no-one paid attention to their disgusted looks at this news.

“Well, I think that’s everything of importance. Let the feast begin!”

Food appeared on the golden platters on the table and everyone begun to tuck in. Cassie, however, merely picked at a chicken leg and pushed some pasta salad around her plate.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Amy asked.

“Not really.”

Izzy scowled at her. “I’m telling you, you’re ill.”

“Thank you for the observation Izzy. I’ll make a note of it.”

“You should eat as much as you can.” said Amy, tucking into her stew and dumplings. “This is the last welcome feast we’ll ever have!”

“Are you going to be doing that all year?” Izzy asked irritably. “Because there’s a lot of lasts this year. Last Halloween, last Hogsmeade visit, last time we’ll walk down the bloody Charms corridor…”

“You bet.”

Izzy groaned and stabbed at her lasagne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cassie's full name, Cassiopeia, is taken from You-Know-Who's own family tree, while the Fawley family are one of the 'Sacred Twenty-Eight' families who were listed in the 'Pure-Blood Directory' as wholly pure-blood, which should tell you a lot about Cassie's family. Cassiopeia is also the name of that one constellation that looks like a W. The more you know.
> 
> Most of Dumbledore's opening speech in this chapter is taken directly from PoA, which I'll be doing whenever the story comes close to the canon.
> 
> EDIT 8/12/16: just a bit of cleaning up, fixing typos, that kind of thing. I'll be doing that through the whole story so far (17 chapters), because I noticed a few when reading back and they're really rankling. I'm not going to be changing anything at all major though.


	2. Tea

“Come in.” Lupin’s voice called pleasantly when Cassie knocked on the door. She hesitated, having hoped that he wouldn't be in, or would have gone to bed early or forgotten, or any number of reasons why she wouldn't have to talk to him. She opened the door and stepped tentatively inside.

The entire room was still in a state of unpacking, with open trunks and empty glass tanks on every surface. Lupin himself was currently pulling boxes of tea out of a crate.

"Ah, Miss Fawley, thank you for coming. Tea?" he asked, saving a box at her. "It's a bit late for English breakfast, but I have most things; green, jasmine, chamomile..."

"Oh...chamomile please?"

"Take a seat, I'll be with you in a second."

Cassie slunk into the chair near the desk and sat worrying at her bottom lip. When the tea was ready Lupin slid a steaming mug across the desk to her and sat opposite, watching her expectantly.

"So..." Cassie said into the silence.

"Where were you bitten?" Lupin asked abruptly. Cassie was a little taken aback, but recovered quickly.

"Ilkly. I was there with my parents-"

"I meant where in a physical sense." Lupin waved a hand vaguely over his body to illustrate.

"Oh. My shoulder." She indicated her right side. "Mostly down the back."

"Would you possibly allow me to have a look?"

Cassie froze. Truthfully she hadn't looked at it herself. She'd kept the bandages on for as long as possible, and since then had looked away whenever she changed her shirt.

Lupin laughed awkwardly. “That sounded inappropriate. I just want to make sure the wound's healed over properly." he explained.

She considered it saying no, but he looked like he only wanted to help, so she indulged him. Besides, she didn't have to look at it. She loosened her tie and self-consciously unbuttoned the top couple of buttons of her collar before pulling her shirt down over her shoulder. Lupin came around the desk and stood a little behind her. She felt his cold fingers on her skin and shuddered.

"Sorry. They're always like that."

He traced lightly over the  crescent of the bite, pressing gently.

"It doesn't seem to be infected."

Cassie laughed and could feel him smiling over he shoulder.

"More infected, I mean."

He moved back around to his side of the desk and Cassie awkwardly did up her shirt and tie again.

"Do you want to tell me how it happened? You don't have to..."

Cassie had prepared for this question. She was going to tell him how it was a random attack, some werewolf who'd been driven crazy and gone for the first person it found, and she was just unlucky to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"My parents are Death Eaters." was what came out instead, as much to her surprise as Lupin's, who looked taken aback. "Inner circle blood purists. The Fawleys have been like that for generations, even before You-Know-Who. My great-grandfather was put to death for hosting muggle hunts; capturing them, setting them loose and tracking them through the countryside before literally tearing them apart. My parents were the same. They got a reputation during the war for creating the most sadistic tortures; information was a bonus for them, they just enjoyed killing. The man who got me was one of their victims. He's been an Unspeakable, and they shut him in a room with this werewolf who'd gone feral."

"Greyback." Lupin said somberly.

"Then they left him near his home, where his wife and two children lived, on a full moon." She stopped and blanched, her skin a sickly shade of grey. Lupin shuddered too. The hunger of a newly turned werewolf was indescribably. She didn't need to spell out what had happened.

"He disappeared after that." Cassie continued weakly. "Until a few weeks ago, when he found us. I think he'd been tracking them, wanting revenge. When he found us, he went for my mother, but he was half-mad and just wanted to kill _something._ Got me instead. He's dead now."

Silence fell in the office as they both digested what she had said. Eventually Cassie looked up and said quietly "That's why I didn't want to come back this year. The full moon's in twenty-nine days and I'm getting more and more scared of myself. I don't know what I'll do. I won't be able to forgive myself if I..."

"My father insulted Greyback when I was still a child." Lupin said suddenly. "He said that Greyback was becoming too wolfish, that his lycanthropy was making him savage and that if all werewolves were like him then they were a danger to society. He was right, of course, but at this point Greyback was still a mostly functioning member of society and saw my father's words as a personal slight. His revenge was perfectly planned, I'll give him that. This was a time before Wolfsbane, so he had to stake out our house and hide himself in my room without anyone noticing on the full moon. After that...well, I'm sure you can guess."

Cassie stared at him, wide eyed.

"I'm so sorry sir." she said. "I didn't know. I wasn't trying to suggest you would-"

"There's no reason you wouldn't think that. The only experiences you've had with lycanthropy have been hardly pleasant. For years I feared what I would become too. It wasn't until I came to Hogwarts that I realised I didn't need to. I won't say it gets better, just easier. Wolfsbane makes the transformations less painful, and you maintain a level of control - no accidents." He smiled at some private joke as he continued "Besides, in the right circumstances, the full moon can be tolerable.”

“Tolerable.” Cassie said bitterly. “Sounds awesome.”

Lupin smiled wryly. “Trust me, it is.”

“Mmm.” She remained unconvinced.

“I saw you with your friends at the feast. Have you told them yet?”

Cassie shook her head.

“You should.” Lupin replied. “Things became more bearable when I did.”

“I…I don’t want to scare them away.”

“Don’t suffer in silence. You need a stable support network. If those around you can’t understand and provide that, then you’re better off without them.”

“Tell that to my parents.” Cassie muttered.

“Are they not supportive?”

“Did you not listen to the reason this is a problem in the first place?”

“Point taken.”

There was a silence as Cassie stared into her tea.

“How did you cope last night? Your body would still have been adapting to the venom; it wouldn’t have had time to fully go through the process in only a few days, so I don’t think you would have had a full transformation, but still...”

She shook her head. “It was...I was delirious still, from the bite. I was confused, and then...pain. It hurt, it hurt so much. Then – nothing. I don't remember.” Her voice had lowered to a weak whisper. “That’s what scares me.”

“I know.”

Cassie could feel the tears welling up in her eyes when he said that. She wasn't sure if she was crying because she was afraid of what was to come or out of relief at finding someone who really understood and wasn't just going through the motions out of pity. There was a flicker of hope in her chest now; if Professor Lupin could become a teacher, and had Dumbledore’s trust…

She took a deep breath and looked him in the eye for the first time.

“So, how is this going to work? What joys can I expect this year?” she asked.

Lupin gave a small triumphant smile. “Well, the next full moon is the-”

“Thirtieth.” she interrupted.

“You’ve been counting.” Lupin noted, but didn’t press any further. “It’ll begin gradually at first; you’ll feel worn down, like a heavy cold. You’ll be irritable too, and irrationally emotional.”

“This is sounding familiar.” she said without thinking.

He went faintly pink and pretended as if he hadn’t heard. “After that it gets worse, I’m afraid. Your body will struggle to cope; extreme fatigue, nausea and vomiting and sudden unexplained stomach pains, and that’s only the nice symptoms.”

“It’s starting to sound like the transformation is the fun part of this.”

“It does get easier after a few years, but the first few times are the worst. You have full clearance with all staff to just stay in bed when you start to struggle, or if you’d rather not be in your dormitory I’m sure Madam Pomfrey will prepare a place in the Hospital Wing for you. During that week you will need to be taking Wolfsbane potion every day. I’ll arrange for Professor Snape to bring it here after lessons have finished, or if you’re too weak a House Elf can bring it to you in the common room.”

The clock in the corner chimed ten as he spoke.

“You’d better be going. I’ll walk you back. Sleep as much as possible while you still can, trust me. And really Cassie,” he said, taking her empty mug from her “tell someone. It helps.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to use accurate moon phases for 1993, and have a feeling I'll end up regretting it very soon.
> 
> EDIT: My prediction came true. It turns out I misjudged the year PoA took place in and used the wrong dates. In1993 there was a full moon on September 1st, but it doesn't seem to be recognised in PoA. I've moved it by a day to August 30th, so some slight edits to the existing chapters has happened to accommodate this. Because I can change time and space like that.
> 
> Somehow extending the whole period/werewolf metaphor here and making it weirder. Also HAHA PERIOD JOKES I'm so witty.


	3. Hospital Wing

It wasn’t until about a fortnight later that Cassie began to understand Lupin’s warnings. He smiled sympathetically at her at breakfast, where she sat alone at the Hufflepuff table with her head in her hand. She’d overslept and missed Izzy and Amy, who had been apparently unable to wake her. He didn’t look particularly good himself, with heavy bags under his eyes and a grey pallor to his skin, although he looked like he may be able to keep down the breakfast he had eaten. Cassie had pushed her own plate of scrambled eggs away from her; the smell was making her queasy.

“Not doing so well?” he murmured as he passed her table. “You need to eat something.”

“I need to curl up in a ball and sleep for a month.”

“You’d only wake up in the same state.” He passed her a slice of dry wholemeal toast. “Try that. Stay away from dairy.”

Cassie managed a small nibble at the crust, but he didn’t seem satisfied.

“Why did you get up today? You should be resting.”

“You’re up.” she pointed out, but he shook his head.

“I’m used to it. You’re not.”

“I’m fine. It’s just like a heavy cold.”

“Hmm.” He remained evidently unconvinced, but moved off towards the door. “Be careful.” he said as he left.

His warning was well placed; she had to run out of N.E.W.T Potions second period when the smell of lizard guts became too strong, much to Snape’s disgust, and lunch was the same as breakfast only with accompanying maternal noises from Izzy, who was still worried about her. Cassie could feel herself becoming drained as the day went on, like every drop of energy she had was being physically sucked from her body, and this came to a head on the staircase to last lesson Ancient Runes. Cassie heard a ringing in her ears that became deafening, and she felt her foot slip from underneath her before her vision clouded and she blacked out.

 ****

She woke up in the hospital wing, with Izzy and Madam Pomfrey seemingly competing to see who could make the most fuss over her.

“Honestly you shouldn’t have been in lessons. Letting you walk around unsupervised in this state…” Madam Pomfrey was muttering sourly as she checked her temperature.

Izzy was saying similar things as she plumped Cassie’s pillows unnecessarily, although her comments were more aimed at Cassie’s own stupidity at not staying in bed that morning.

“I shall have words for the Headmaster, you see if I don’t.” Madam Pomfrey complained. “In your condition, and this close to-”

Cassie shook her head very slightly so Izzy wouldn’t notice, and cut in loudly “I thought my flu had cleared up, honestly. It was better by the time school started.”

Madam Pomfrey looked a little confused, but Cassie was saved by the arrival of Amy.

“I heard what happened.” she said sympathetically, pulling up a seat next to the bed. “Everyone was talking about it at dinner, want to know if you’re okay.”

“You went to dinner before coming here?” Izzy asked indignantly.

“Chill Izzy, don’t worry. I brought her some treacle tart.” She presented a slice wrapped in a neat package which Madam Pomfrey swiftly confiscated, claiming that Cassie needed to be consuming liquids and soup and nothing else. Cassie watched it disappear into the office mournfully.

“I was really hungry.” she said sadly.

“I’m not surprised. You’ve barely eaten anything since we got back.” Izzy said. “Probably why you fainted.”

“I ate toast this morning!” said Cassie defensively.

“How much?”

“…half a piece.”

“Seriously Cass, what’s up?” Amy asked. “You’re not well.”

“And it’s not flu.” Izzy said sharply.

Cassie looked between them both, worrying at her bottom lip. She remembered Lupin’s words in his office and made her decision.

“There is something I need to tell you. You have to understand, I wanted to tell you earlier, but…just don’t freak out. Or get angry, or scared, or anything like that.”

“Neutral emotions only. Got it.” said Amy.

She considered where to start, and settled on the version she had been intending to tell Lupin. Her friends were perfectly aware of what her parents were like, having been vetted as suitable companions before she was allowed to bring them home over the holidays, but Cassie felt uncomfortable with the idea of anyone knowing their history and was still unsure why she had divulged this information to her teacher. The story she told in the Hospital Wing was therefore highly edited, with the attack a chance encounter by an out of control monster. The rest, however, was more truth than she would have dared tell Lupin.

“It felt like my blood had been replaced with ice, like my body was being burned from the inside. I thought I was going to die there, with my mother screaming like a banshee, and the only thought in my head was ‘Why bloody Ilkly?’”

Amy laughed, but it was a little too loudly, an ugly bark of laughter that said more clearly than words that she didn’t know how to react to what had been said.

“Iz? Say something.”

There was a long pause, then Izzy whispered “Something.”

Cassie laughed this time, and carried on laughing beyond the point where it was funny. Izzy joined in next, clearly trying to remain solemn and failing. Amy shook her head and watched as Izzy, becoming hysterical, fell on Cassie and sobbed into her shoulder. Madam Pomfrey rushed over and pried her off, taking her into her office for a drink of water and some space. Cassie and Amy were left in an awkward silence.

“So…” Cassie ventured.

“I can see why you didn’t want to say anything.”

“I guess I was scared of what you might think. What…what do you think?”

“When I figure that out I’ll let you know.”

“You sound rather underwhelmed.”

“More too overwhelmed to efficiently display what I’m feeling.” Amy said blandly.

Cassie nodded. “I can understand that.”

“Have I arrived at a bad time?” Professor Lupin stood a few feet away, clutching a glass of a golden liquid and looking sheepish.

“I heard what happened. Madam Pomfrey says you should drink this.”

“Seems like everyone did. What is it?”

“News travels fast at Hogwarts. Sleeping draught. It’ll make sure you’re a bit more rested tonight.”

“I’ll be going then.” Amy got wearily up from her seat. “I’ll see you back in the dorm?”

“Not tonight.” Lupin said. “Madam Pomfrey wants her here tonight so she can keep an eye on her.”

“Right.” Amy hesitated for a second, apparently nervous in front of Lupin, then reached over and squeezed Cassie’s hand. “I’ll look after Izzy.”

“Do. She only has so many emotions, we can’t have her using them all up at once.”

Amy chuckled and went over to find her in the office.

“I take it you told them? May I?” He occupied Amy’s newly vacated seat.

“Yeah. Not sure how to describe the reaction.”

“According to Poppy, loud.”

Cassie laughed. “Izzy didn’t take it so well.”

“She seems more worried about you than anything else.”

“Hmm.” Cassie could feel her eyelids drooping. Lupin pressed the potion into her hand.

“Drink it. You’ll feel better for it. And for god’s sake stay in bed tomorrow.”

“Yes sir.”

She drained the potion and felt it warm her from the inside, giving a pleasant cosy feeling that was reminiscent of butterbeer. She could feel her limbs relaxing and Lupin had to rescue the glass to avoid it smashing on the floor when her fingers lost their grip and her eyes became too heavy to keep open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter of...sitting around and talking, mainly. Necessary talking, but all the same. I'm sorry.
> 
> EDIT: A slight edit, just changing the chronology slightly.


	4. Full Moon

“You have to eat something.”

Cassie groaned weakly and huddled further into the nest of bedding she had made herself.

“Come _on_ Cassie!” Izzy said impatiently.

“Don’ make me.” said Cassie groggily.

“ _A Guide to Anthropoid and Near-Human Species_ here says you need to keep energy levels up in preparation for tonight.”

“I am, by sleeping.”

“The book says that’s not enough.”

“I can’t eat Iz. My digestive system’s on strike.”

“But the book-” Izzy protested.

“Merlin’s beard Iz, shut up about the damn book!” Amy snapped. She was sat on her bed trying to write a Charms essay for a few days’ time, but hadn’t got further than the date and title.

“I feel like we should inform ourselves so we can be helpful, that’s all.”

“Or we can let her get on with it. She’s got Professor Lupin if she needs ‘help’.”

“Alright then. Let her starve.” Izzy shut the book shut with a bang and stalked back to her own bed.

This conversation had been played out repeatedly over the past few days. Their other roommates had been told that Cassie had a fairly severe stomach bug and were keeping their distance in case it turned out to be contagious, which gave Izzy perfect privacy to fuss and mother her. This seemed to be her way of coping; if she couldn’t change it, she could at least control as much of the situation as she could.

She was particularly vehement that day, with the full moon only hours away. She had insisted that she and Amy return to the dormitory at lunchtime, bringing with them a plate stacked full of all of Cassie’s favourite foods on the off chance that something would tempt her. Cassie knew it was useless; her stomach was ejecting anything she tried to put in it, although whether that was from the effects of the lycanthropy or the terror of what was going to happen that night was unclear.

Cassie had the feeling she would be more scared if she had the energy too, but she was completely drained. She had expected fatigue, she had expected pain, but what it was doing to her was just humiliating. The last time she had tried to stand up had been two days ago in an attempt to go to the toilet, but her legs had given way underneath her. Amy had found her over an hour later when she came back at break to pick up a book she had forgotten, barely conscious in a sodden heap. She had silently picked Cassie up, cleaned her up and helped her back into her bed. She had then taken her book and left quietly as Cassie had drifted back into unconsciousness, where she remained until Madam Pomfrey shook her gently awake on the evening of the full moon.

The matron wrapped her in a fluffy white dressing gown and half-carried her through the dungeons and up to the first floor, where they entered a Muggle Studies classroom. The chairs and desks had been pushed to the sides of the room, clearing a large space in the centre. Lupin was slumped over one of the desks with his head down and looking like he was fast asleep, but he lifted his head weakly when he heard them enter.

“Cassie. Good to see you. Excuse me if I don't stand up.”

She nodded wordlessly at him, not sure what she could say that wasn't ‘you look awful'. Lupin appeared to read her mind because he chuckled and said “Trust me, you look worse.”

“Gee, thanks.” Cassie grumbled as she collapsed into another chair nearby. “You really know how to charm a lady.”

Madam Pomfrey tutted her disapproval, though Lupin chuckled quietly to himself as she fussed around, although there was little she could do. Eventually she seemed to realise this too and handed her a thick fluffy bed robe “For after”, as she explained in a sheepish mumble, with a sideways glance at Lupin.

“You have about an hour before…I’ll lock you in and come to collect you in the morning. Don’t leave this room until I do. I’ll put some silencing spells in place so you won’t be disturbed.” she said matter-of-factly, though Cassie got the feeling she really meant that she wouldn’t disturb anyone else. This thought must have shown on her face, because Lupin leant over and said quietly “It’ll be easier once she’s gone.”

Cassie was just relieved that he hadn’t asked how she was doing, as Madam Pomfrey had done when she woke her up and Izzy had been doing every five minutes since Cassie was resigned to her bed. Had she had the energy to reply to these constant enquiries she knew that her answer would have been something unrepeatable in polite company.

“Is she like this with you?” Cassie muttered.

“She was, when I was younger. Apparently now I’m old enough and ugly enough to look after myself.”

Cassie was about to ask what he meant when Madam Pomfrey interrupted.

“Are you ready Remus?”

“One second.” Lupin slowly hauled himself to his feet, grunting slightly with the effort.

“You’re leaving?”

“I was going back to my office. Give you a little privacy.”

“Oh.” Cassie nodded and tried to suppress the panic that was rising in her throat. She knew that it would make no difference to what was about to happen, but she really didn’t want to be left alone.

Lupin appeared to be able to sense this, because he cast a glance at Madam Pomfrey as he said “Although, if you would prefer, I could-”

“I don’t think that’s appropriate, Remus.” Madam Pomfrey said sharply.

“I hardly think propriety is our main concern here Poppy.”

The matron was about to protest further, but Lupin shook his head.

“I can’t leave her alone in good conscience.” he said. There was a note of desperation in his voice. “I can’t.”

Madam Pomfrey deliberated for a moment. “Fine then. I’ll come and collect you both in the morning.” She handed Lupin another robe before leaving the room, muttering to herself.

Lupin slumped back into his chair. “Thank you. I didn’t want to say anything, but I don’t think I could manage those stairs again.”

“No problem. Least I could do was save you from some stairs.”

They sat in a companionable silence for a while, and Cassie was pretty certain that Lupin had fallen asleep sat up. She considered following his lead, but after a while she felt surprisingly awake and not nauseous for the first time in days.

“Feeling better?” Lupin asked, yawning.

“Much. I don’t trust it.”

Lupin smiled. “I wouldn’t. It’s the beginning of the process; the adrenaline kicks in when it starts to sense the changes in your body.” He paused momentarily, and his normally benign smile took on a slightly mischievous edge. “But I do have an idea, if you’re feeling up to standing.”

“I guess?”

“Excellent. Bring your robe.”

She got to her feet, feeling shaky but able to stand by herself. Lupin drew his wand and unlocked the door and, peering outside, beckoned her to follow him.

“Everyone’s in the Hall for dinner. Keep quiet.”

“Where are we going?” she asked as she trailed after him down the main staircase and into the Entrance Hall. Lupin checked the coast was clear and crept past the Great Hall, where Cassie could hear the buzz of the whole school chattering and eating. She realised she hadn’t eaten anything in about three days now, but the thought of food still made her stomach turn. As they reached the main door, Lupin answered her question in hushed tones.

“As horrible as the whole thing is, there’s something to be said for a werewolf’s senses on a clear night. You shouldn’t have to spend your first transformation cooped up in a classroom.”

He led her outside. The light was only just fading as the sun sank over the horizon and the air was crisp and clear. Cassie breathed in deeply and felt her muscles relax for the first time in days. Lupin looked on, bemused.

“We need to move quickly.” he said quietly.

“I still don’t know where we’re going.”

“Just to the edge of the forest.”

Cassie frowned and he hurried to reassure her.

“We won’t go far in for now, and very few things even in there will challenge a werewolf. You won’t want to be inside for your first transformation, trust me.”

After a moment’s contemplation, Cassie nodded.

“Alright. Let’s go then.”

She followed him to a point a short distance from the gamekeeper’s hut where the towering black trees were particularly dense and walked a little way into the undergrowth.

“Here should do it. I’ll just put up some silencing spells, and we should be good to go.”

Cassie huddled down in the roots of a nearby tree and watched as he moved around the area, his wand raised, creating a web of spells to hide them from the outside.

“This is a new one.” she observed. “I’ve snuck out before, but never with a teacher.”

“ _As_ a teacher, I’m going to ignore the first part of that comment. But I will admit that there’s a certain irony to the situation.”

He finished laying the spells and checked his watch.  “Twenty minutes.” He came over and settled himself near her. “It’ll be okay. The first transformation’s the scariest because you don’t know what to expect, but whatever you’re thinking is a thousand times worse than it really is. The imagination has a tendency of getting carried away when it’s least wanted.”

“I appreciate what you’re trying to say Professor, but I’m a little preoccupied with the ‘transformation’ part of this whole thing.”

“If it helps, you’ll probably black out for this first time.”

“That’s really not that comforting.” she snapped, but after a brief moment she relented. “I’m sorry. I get like this when I’m stressed. I really appreciate you being here.”

“I wasn’t going to leave you alone.”

Comfortable silence fell again, although Cassie kept fidgeting. She found she had a huge reserve of pent up energy and she couldn’t keep her foot still. Lupin seemed amused, but kindly refrained from commenting. Together they listened to the clock tower chiming seven as the sky sun disappeared completely and the sky became darker.

“If it’s not too personal, can I ask what were you doing before you got this job?”

“Oh, this and that.” He relented when Cassie looked at him dubiously. “I was unemployed, mostly. I had a few jobs, but it's hard to hold anything down when-”

“When you're like us.”

He sighed, and his voice took on an irritated edge. “Quite. People tend to get hysterical when they hear the word ‘werewolf’. They seem to think they can catch it just by being around you. They forget it's only one night a month we're actually dangerous, but it's those like Greyback that give us a bad name. But that's just like saying that Death Eaters represent all wizards, which they would never-”

He was interrupted when Cassie cried out and clutched her stomach.

“Cassie!”

She curled up, moaning as another stab of pain shot through her. She was in a small ball now, panting and shaking. Vaguely, as if through water, she heard Lupin calling “Cassie! You need to breathe Cassie. Deep breaths.”  His voice sounded strained.

She was sat up now; he had pulled her into a sitting position and was gripping her shoulders, trying to get her to look at him. He was counting – in for four, out for eight – and she tried to match her breathing to his, but it was jagged and uneven and the world was spinning around her. The counting stopped and she heard a grunt as Lupin crumpled, his fingers now digging painfully into her arm. Drenched in sweat and shaking violently, Cassie screamed as her spine broke and reset, reforming as her skin stretched to breaking point over the new vertebrae. She clutched at her back, dragging elongating nails across her skin and leaving them wet with blood. Her ribcage cracked and began to shift, cutting off her air supply as it crushed her lungs. She gasped for breath as her vision clouded over. The last thing she remembered before blacking out completely was a low keening coming from Professor Lupin, who lay in a shivering heap nearby.

                                                                         ****

When she came to her ribs were still settling into place, leaving her breathing shallow and painful. She whimpered, but it gradually subsided and she was left feeling winded. As she raised her head weakly she was assaulted by a barrage of new smells. The world itself looked bland, the colours muted as if seen through fog, but she could sense a thousand things she would never have noticed before; the sound of insects crawling through the leaves, the scent of a bird sleeping in a nearby tree, and the distinct smell of Hagrid (fresh grass cuttings and something strange that reminded her of horses).

She heard movement nearby and looked around; a grey werewolf rose up and stretched languidly, then came towards her. The shape was strange and terrifying, all angular limbs and sharp teeth, but the warm, musky smell of parchment and tea leaves was unmistakably that of Lupin.

Cassie attempted to stand, but found that her limbs didn't work as they usually did and she scrambled wildly for a moment before landing on the ground again with a thump. Lupin made a snuffling noise; he was laughing at her, she realised. She let out a low growl, irritated. She could feel his contrition, and he offered her a shoulder to lean on as she tried again to stand as a peace offering, which she readily accepted. Once she was stood and her limbs were under control, she paced a few times to get used to having two extra. Lupin watched placidly, jumping to his feet every time she stumbled.

Once she was more accustomed to her shape, Lupin got up and walked a few meters deeper into the forest before turning, waiting for her to follow. Despite the awkward jutting angles of his form he seemed graceful, and she felt particularly gangly as she padded over to him. Once she had caught up he continued further into the cover of the trees, away from the spot where the two white robes now lay abandoned. A few meters in she stopped again to smell a spot where a student’s cat had rubbed up against a tree, and again not much later to follow the trail of a vole she could hear trundling through the undergrowth. Lupin waited patiently each time, only moving further into the forest once her curiosity had been satisfied and she trotted over to him.

Once she had adjusted slightly to her newly heightened senses the only thing she was left with was a giddiness that was half-nervousness, half-excitement. Unable to keep still any longer she bound ahead into the trees, and was surprised to hear the soft pad of Lupin keeping pace with her. She pushed the speed a little more, enjoying the feeling of wind on her face and the freedom from the dormitory she’d been confined to all week. Lupin suddenly surged forwards and broke into a sprint, tearing through the undergrowth. Cassie yelped and pelted after him, keeping close to his heel.

Together they ran for hours, winding through the trees, each pushing the other to go faster, daring them to take it just a little further. Then Lupin stopped suddenly, causing Cassie to come screeching to a halt a few feet away. He sat back on his hind legs and looked to the sky, ears pricked. For a split second Cassie thought that he’d sensed danger, but when she followed his gaze she saw that the moon was beginning to sink in the sky. It took her a moment to comprehend what that meant after having been caught up in the freedom of the night, but she remembered what Madame Pomfrey had said about returning for them at sunrise, a potential problem when neither of them were there. She caught Lupin’s eye to indicate that she understood and they both turned on their heel and tore back towards the castle.

They reached the place where they had abandoned their robes just in time. Cassie yelped and stumbled into the area protected by Lupin’s spells, pain shooting through her spine as it began to reset itself again. Exhausted from the night’s run. she only held out for a few moments before collapsing in an unconscious heap.

****

Cassie heaved, acid rising in her throat. Her mouth was full of dirt and leaves and she could feel the cold morning air on her bare skin, covering her clammy skin with goose bumps. As she coughed up bile she felt Lupin’s gentle hand wrap her in her soft robe and pull her hair out of her face. She raised her head to thank him, made eye contact, and promptly vomited in his lap. He made no indication that he had even noticed and continued to hold her hair as she gipped again. He made quiet comforting noises as she threw up, rubbing small circles on her back.

“Done?” he asked soothingly as she tried to sit up.

She only nodded in reply, wiping her mouth with her sleeve.

“Do you think you can stand up?”

Another nod, although she gripped tightly onto his arm as he helped her to her feet.

“We need to get back, if you can manage it. Poppy should be coming for us soon.”

“Yargh.” It was only a semblance of a reply, but Lupin understood and smiled as he began to lead her out of the forest and back up to the castle door.

“‘M sorry.” Cassie said groggily. “About that.” She gestured to the sick on his robe.

“It’s fine. You’re actually holding up surprisingly well. I curled up and cried for about an hour before I even considered moving on my first time.”

Cassie smiled, appreciating the honesty of his confession, although not entirely convinced he wasn’t just trying to make her feel better about throwing up on him. It worked well enough though, and they walked in comfortable, if rather smelly, silence through the Entrance Hall and up to the first floor.

“Where have you _been_?” Madam Pomfrey shrieked. She ran up to them, looking frantic. “I was just on my way to get the Headmaster. Remus, I’d like an explanation if you please.”

Lupin just smiled genially. “Nothing to worry about Poppy. Cassie here just wasn’t feeling particularly well after last night, and I took her out to get some fresh air.”

Madam Pomfrey wrinkled her nose, noticing the smell emanating from the pair. She seemed to find this a reasonable excuse for disobeying her orders, although she was muttering to herself as she led them both to the Hospital Wing. Lupin hadn’t yet let go of Cassie’s arm, and had to half-carry her up the stairs to the fourth floor.

Once there they were practically pushed into adjoining beds by the matron, who it seemed had had enough of being disobeyed. Lupin caught Cassie’s eye as they were both given Pepper Up Potions and various other concoctions that Cassie didn’t recognise and commanded to drink them all immediately, raising his eyebrows at every new order they were given. Cassie snorted with laughter in the middle of drinking a strange mint green potion (“For the bruising.”) and was forced to pretend to have a coughing fit as a disapproving glare was turned on her.

Lupin pleaded off any further treatment, claiming that after all these years he knew what he needed to recover and that he had a class first thing. While initially dubious, Madam Pomfrey allowed him to go; he looked tired, but the colour had returned to his face and he seemed perfectly able to think straight, having to do some expert reasoning to persuade her to let him go. He smiled at Cassie as he left, although she thought he may have been laughing at her as yet another potion was forced into her hand.

She was then curtained off from the rest of the ward as Madam Pomfrey examined the self-inflicted scratches down her back. She became far more gentle then, seeming to want to say something but settling instead on delivering a list of self-care instructions in an attitude of forced cheer. She insisted that Cassie stay for at least a few hours in the Hospital Wing. In truth, Cassie was quite glad of this. She didn’t feel even half as ill as she had the previous day, but she was tired and just wanted to be able to sleep in peace. Besides, the longer she spent in the Hospital Wing, the longer she could put off answering any of Izzy’s inevitable questions about last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This brief hiatus was brought to you by a sudden hospital trip that had me laid out for a few days (apparently I have an irritation in my stomach lining that reacted badly to the post-exam celebratory drinks I was having with some friends and made me rather ill. Don't drink and stress children.) and then a Summer job as a photography assistant that kept me quite busy. Also, this one's about twice the length of the previous one, although more out of necessity than wanting to make up for the long break. Although we can pretend it was that too.
> 
> The basic concept for a werewolf transformation is that they only turn when it becomes 'truly dark', or rather not just when the sun goes down/moon rises, but when the light from the sun has completely disappeared, which takes place 20-40 minutes after sunset. This is based largely on Lupin's transformation at the end of PoA; Buckbeak's execution is scheduled for sunset and, assuming that they would probably go for the earlier and possibly pre-sunset part of this time, that leaves about 40-45 minutes for the events in the Shrieking Shack (which seems about right), that makes the timings about right for Lupin's transformation. Upon writing this out, I do wonder if I have entirely too much time.
> 
> Also related to things I've thought way too much about: the layout for the Hogwarts in my head is basically that of the first two GameBoy Colour games, possibly because I played those games endlessly as a kid (and I may or may not be replaying the first one currently). The map's much more cohesive than that of the films, which changes constantly, and I know it ridiculously well and so don't have to keep looking it up whenever I want to place something. That's why the Hospital Wing is on the fourth floor, DADA and Lupin's office is on the third floor etc.


	5. Breakfast

“So then you just slept the whole night?”

It was the morning after the fill moon and Cassie felt like she was in hyper drive. Having finally been released by Madam Pomfrey she had returned to the Common Room a couple of hours before anyone woke up, she had paced around the room repeatedly and hardly without even realising she was doing so. As soon as Izzy and Amy had appeared (Izzy looking sick with worry and like she’d slept as little as Cassie had) she’d dragged them down to breakfast, where she was now shovelling bacon into her mouth as if she hadn’t eaten in months. She had spent her time pacing planning what she was going to say about her night and now lied with only a little guilt, saying that, while Lupin had stayed with her, they had spent the night in the classroom as they were supposed to.  While Lupin hadn’t expressly told her to keep their midnight wanderings a secret, she hadn’t been able to find a explanation that didn’t make it sound like she’d spent the night frolicking naked in the moonlight with her Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, so she took another bite of her bacon and shrugged.

“Once you’ve got used to having a tail, there’s not really much else to do.”

Izzy frowned, clearly unsatisfied with the answer despite it being the same as the first several times she had asked.

“I can’t believe you didn’t at least explore a bit.”

“It was the Ancient Runes classroom. Not that much to explore unless you really like old rocks.”

“And now…?”

“And now I feel fine. Pass the bacon?”

“You’ve had a lot. Hadn’t you better slow down?”

“Lay off Iz. I haven’t eaten in a week and my body’s still recovering from having itself entirely rearranged. Besides, Professor Lupin’s still going.”

Izzy was forced to admit that she had a point, although Lupin’s eating was a little more refined than hers. He looked bright and alert, and was chatting merrily to McGonagall next to him.

Izzy passed the platter over and Cassie skewered a few more pieces on her fork, babbling slightly.

“I’d forgotten how good bacon was. It’s so good. The best. You have no idea. ‘Course you don’t, you’re a vegetarian. But it’s just so good.”

“You’re drawing attention to yourself.” Amy hissed.

Cassie was so surprised she stopped eating. Amy had been uncharacteristically quiet that morning, and now she was looking at Cassie like she’d made some offensive smell.

“Amy!” Izzy said in a hushed whisper. “Leave her alone. She’s had a rough night.”

“I _know_. We’ve heard. Several times.”

“Amy…” Cassie began, genuinely confused, but Izzy interrupted angrily.

“What’s your problem?”

“My ‘problem’ is that I seem to be the only one concerned that we had two fully grown werewolves in school last night!”

“They had their potions! They were both completely in control!” Izzy said shrilly.

The argument was attracting odd looks from the students around them. Cassie was glad it was still early so there were only a few people sat at the long tables,  but it was still too many for her to be comfortable. She tried to intervene.

“Can we have this conversation elsewhere?”

Amy ignored her. “And what if the potion hadn’t worked? If someone had walked in? What would have happened then?”

“That’s ridiculous and you know it!”

“Guys…” muttered Cassie nervously, smiling awkwardly at a couple of third years a few seats down who were listening curiously.

“Do you think parents would want him teaching their children?” Amy cried, brushing her off and gesturing to the teacher’s table where Lupin sat, now watching them and looking concerned. “And she’s just wondering the corridors! Who’s to say nothing will happen with a pair of-”

“Can we not say the ‘w’ word in public?” Cassie said desperately. “Amy, please, you can yell at me all you like back in the Common Room, just not here. _Please_.” She jumped to her feet, wanting only to get out of the Great Hall before something private was said very loudly and very publicly. When Amy remained determinedly seated Cassie tried to take her by the arm and drag her out, but Amy snatched it away as if she’d been burned. She leapt to her feet and pointed an accusing finger in Cassie’s face.

“Don’t touch me.” she spat, then turned and stormed out of the hall. Cassie didn’t dare follow her. Izzy did, calling desperately after her as she ran and leaving Cassie stood alone in the hall with everyone’s eyes on her.

“Miss Fawley?”

Professor Sprout had come down from the teacher’s table and laid her hand on her shoulder.

“It’s…it’s fine.” Cassie said unconvincingly as she was led gently out of the Hall.

“Shall we have a talk in my office?”

****

The Hufflepuffs all felt lucky to have Professor Sprout as a head of house. She believed in treating her students the same way as her plants, which resulted in a very hands on, maternal approach, with an office door that was always open. She also insisted on playing classical music quietly in the Common Room in the evening because she believed it would help their physical and mental wellbeing, but the students grew used to it and appreciated her mentorship enough to deal with hearing the same pieces every night.

“Just sit there dear, and we’ll get everything sorted.” Sprout said, guiding Cassie to a seat in her office. “Now, I’ve been speaking to Professor Lupin, and he says you like to have tea during your chats. I could put the kettle on now if you’d like. I’ve got this tea I made myself if you’d like to try it?” She held out a small tin containing some leaves of a dirty yellow colour that emitted a pungent smell of old eggs.

“Uh, no, thank you.”

Sprout put the tin back into a cupboard and sat in the chair facing Cassie. She pressed her soil-stained fingertips together thoughtfully.

“I think I can guess what you and Miss Lockwood were arguing about.”

Cassie nodded. “She made her views about me very clear.”

“And those were?”

“That I’m a danger to those around me. That I shouldn’t be here.” She felt sick as she said it; it was a vocalisation of every reason she’d given herself not to return to Hogwarts and hadn’t been able to prevent keeping her up at night yet.

“I see.” Professor Sprout sighed. She looked uncharacteristically sad as she leant forwards in her seat and asked “How familiar are you, dear, with Miss Lockwood’s father’s work?”

Cassie cast her thoughts back to the screenings her parents had done on her friends. She remembered that they’d been pleased to discover Amy’s father worked for the Ministry, believing him to be doing good work in his department. This had worried Cassie at the time, as anything her parents approved of was not likely to be good.

“He works for the Department of the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures.” she offered, slowly piecing together where Professor Sprout was leading the conversation. “He’s involved in classifying dangerous creatures…oh.”

“Oh indeed. I’m afraid he’s been rather vocal about wanting to tighten regulations on lycanthropes. Said some quite unpleasant things truth be told. I suppose if you’re only exposed to those few who create dangerous stereotypes it’s hard not to begin to believe them.”

“But Amy…”

“Miss Lockwood, I imagine, is struggling to rectify her father’s views with what she’s seeing in you. She’s spent her whole life knowing werewolves are vile, inhuman creatures, and now she finds out that you are still undeniably Cassie Fawley, save a new taste for red meat and the habit of getting a little hairy once a month.” Professor Sprout chuckled at herself, then rearranged her face into an expression of solemn sympathy. “It can’t be easy. You need your friends more than ever right now.”

“And now one of them hates me and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

For once, the Herbology teacher’s wisdom seemed to fall short. All she could offer was a weak “I’m sure she’ll come round dear.” which she seemed to know sounded disingenuous. Cassie tried not to look too downcast; she wanted to curl up in her bed, and knew that if she was suspected of crying Professor Sprout wouldn’t let her leave until she’d poured her heart out and Cassie couldn’t cope with that just then.

“Is there anything I can do? My office door is always open.”

“Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.” Cassie stood, smiled half-heartedly and left before she was forced to stay for a cup of that suspicious looking tea.

As she wandered sullenly back up to the castle from the greenhouses she mulled over what Amy had said. What would have happened if someone _had_ encountered them during the night? She had felt in control and had managed to refrain from destroying anything, but she was only with another wolf then. She had a gnawing feeling in her stomach that she might not be able to restrain herself in the presence of what she supposed was prey. A wave of nausea hit her as she thought that. She couldn’t think that way. Professor Lupin believed she was safe, and if anyone was able to judge that she supposed it would be him.

She considered going to see him, to ask him if he ever felt dangerously less than human and plead for comforting words. But she was already late for first period Transfiguration and she still had to sneak into the Common Room for her bag hoping desperately that Amy wouldn’t be in there, and he would be teaching. Besides, she knew that even if she went to his office she wouldn’t be able to voice the thoughts that were filling her with icy dread.

_"Hey, Professor, have you ever felt like you might kill everyone you ever cared about?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing says subplot like humiliating public arguments.


	6. Wolfsbane

For possibly the first time Cassie was glad that her timetable didn’t match up with her friends, keeping her on the other side of the castle from them. She was even thankful for Care of Magical Creatures in the grizzling rain, even though most of the lesson was spent listening to her classmate’s hushed theories about what was going to happen to Hagrid. By this point everyone knew about the incident with the third year class and the hippogriff – the Malfoy kid had made sure of that – and the hushed topic of conversation behind Professor Grubbly-Plank’s back was whether Hagrid would ever teach again. Normally Cassie would have defended him, to remind them their lessons with him had been incredibly interesting and entirely mauling free, but that day she listened miserably as a Ravenclaw whispered excitedly that he’d heard Hagrid was going to Azkaban that very afternoon.

Double Potions periods three and four was good for keeping to herself too, particularly as Snape, usually begrudgingly tolerant of Cassie because she was mostly competent and hadn’t exploded anything that year, had become increasingly cold towards her. A couple of her classmates had commented that at she was lucky he was leaving her alone, but when she raised her hand for assistance with an Alihotsy Draught and he repeatedly swept past her, leaving her to inhale the fumes and leave the lesson babbling incoherently and with a barely passable mark, she would really rather that he were actively horrible to her. That day, however, she was glad of his aloofness, and kept her head bent over her cauldron as much as possible.

At the end of the lesson she threw her things into her bag and turned to leave, having decided to skip lunch and hide in the library, when she heard him call her back into the room.

“Miss Fawley.” he said sourly. He looked as displeased to talk to her as she felt, but she nodded politely to indicate she was listening.

“Professor Lupin has indicated that he wishes for you to start learning to brew your own Wolfsbane Potion. He feels that it would be useful for the future, if you have the mental capacity. I have my doubts about that, but as the Headmaster thinks it would be sensible…You shall come to my office once a week after final lesson, starting tonight, and try not to make it an entire waste of my time.”

“Oh. Right. Yes. Thank you Sir.” She turned and hurried out of the dungeons and up to the Entrance Hall. Happy chatter floated out of the Great Hall while warm smells wafted invitingly towards her, but, hungry as she was, she couldn’t make herself go inside. Instead she trailed reluctantly up the staircase towards the library.

“Cassie!” Izzy caught up with her, slightly breathless and looking flustered. “We haven’t seen you all day.”

“No.” Cassie replied, prickling. That use of ‘we’ rankled; it meant that Izzy was siding with Amy and expected _her_ to apologise.

_You’re being stupid_ she told herself. _She’s just trying to keep the peace._

“I’ve been…around.” she offered in an attempt to keep the conversation going. Cassie was furious with Amy, but she shouldn’t take that out on Izzy.

“Oh.”

They stood awkwardly, both waiting for the other to address the elephant in the room. Eventually Izzy couldn’t stand it any longer and asked as casually as she could “Are you coming to lunch?”

“Is Amy in there?”

Izzy bit her lip nervously.

“Think I’ll pass then.”

“She didn’t mean it Cass, she was just-”

“Oh, so she just called me a monster by accident then?”

“No!”

“So she meant it then.”

“Cassie, don’t be like this.”

“Like what? A werewolf? I might have to work on that one.”

“Cassie!” Izzy whined.

“Stop trying to defend her. It’s what she thinks, and it’s shit. We’re not going to kiss and make up if you can just simper at us enough.”

“She’s just confused…”

“Why are you on her side?”

“I’m not! I just want you to understand how she’s feeling.”

“How _she’s_ feeling? What about me?”

“You can’t help it. We just need to talk her round…”

Cassie laughed bitterly. “I ‘can’t help it’? Gee, thanks for that. Good to know I’m only angry because of my crazy werewolf hormones. I’ll take that into account next time I think I have a valid reason to feel something.”

“That’s not what I meant!”

“I really couldn’t care less. You try and make her accept me if you want. I won’t waste my breath.”

She stalked up the stairs, leaving a stunned Izzy alone in the Entrance Hall.

****

Cassie spent the rest of the day silently fuming. She wasn’t quite sure who it was she was so furious with, but she had a horrible feeling it was herself, and that only made her angrier. By the time the bell rang for the end of sixth period her hands were bleeding where she had dug her nails in to prevent herself from screaming in the middle of Transfiguration. Even Professor Snape, who was infamous for failing to react when students broke down crying in his lessons, raised his eyebrow slightly when she stormed into the dungeons and threw her bag to the floor.

“I have very low expectations for this endeavour, Miss Fawley,” he said, choosing not to comment “so as long as you refrain from blowing up my classroom you will have exceeded them. Come here.” He indicated a cauldron that was smoking slightly. “This is the remains of last month’s batch. What can you observe from this sample?”

Cassie peered into the cauldron. There wasn’t much left, just a small pool in the bottom. It was a pale silvery blue, as was the steam it was emitting.

“It’s blue.”

She heard Snape sigh beside her.

“Very astute, Miss Fawley. However, I was hoping for something a little less _blatantly obvious_.”

Resisting the urge to snap at him, Cassie tried to look at the potion in front of her with a more logical eye.

“It’s steaming, which would suggest it was emitting heat. Usually that would be because it was being heated, but it’s not. So that must mean a strong reaction between at least two of the ingredients. I’m…not sure what they would be.”

Snape swept over to his desk.

“Adequate. What you finally managed to notice was the result of this plant here.” He held up a small bunch of light blue flowers. “As a NEWT-level student, if you don’t recognise this plant I suggest you throw away all of your potions equipment and never return to my classroom.”

Cassie scowled. “Aconite.”

“Seven years of my time has not gone to complete waste then. What have I taught you about aconite?”

“Also known as monkshood or wolfsbane, its flowers are used in a lot of healing potions as pain relief, and the roots are a good sedative in small doses; they’re the main component in the Draught of Living Death. The leaves are highly toxic and never used.”

“Very impressive.” he said in a dry voice that indicated he was not at all impressed. “But incorrect. The leaves are the main ingredient in the Wolfsbane Potion.”

“But they’re deadly!”

“You’ve taken it, and you’re not dead yet, are you?”

Cassie begrudgingly had to admit he had a point, and he smirked at her lack of response.

“Dear me, I would have thought you would have done at least some basic research on what you were putting into your body. Although I do find your innate trust in me very _touching_.”

She felt it best not to respond to that, and waited for him to continue with the lesson.

“You’ll begin by dissecting aconite and testing the properties of the leaves. If you can work out what it is that makes it useful to the potion I suppose this won’t have been a complete failure.”

“Why do I have to do this? Can’t you just give me the recipe and explain as I make it?”

Snape glowered. “You have to do this because this potion is almost certainly more complex than anything you, in your limited life experience, have ever encountered before, and any mistakes could be fatal. You have to understand every individual aspect of it in order to have any hope of ever making it anything close to successfully. Or did you think that you could just sweep in and pick up where generations of potions masters vastly more experienced and undoubtedly more intelligent than you will ever be and just ‘throw something together’?”

Cassie scowled. “No.”

“I am very glad to hear it. Now you will dissect the aconite, and you will try and learn something, or I would suggest not coming back next week.”

He handed her a knife and, resisting the urge to stab him with it, she turned her attention to the plant. The roots and flowers she was familiar with from her lessons, but they were never permitted to use the leaves, possibly because Snape didn’t trust the first years not to eat them, or possibly because Dumbledore knew Snape secretly hoped they would eat them.

She racked her brain for any possible uses, but after nearly an hour all she had was some finely chopped leaves and a headache. She’d been expecting some actual teaching, but Snape had settled down to mark essays and was leaving her entirely without help. But it was hopeless; the only things she knew about aconite were about the other parts of the plant, because they were the only bits anyone without a death wish used.

_Start there then_ she told herself. The flowers relieved pain, and the roots were a strong sedative. She supposed they must work in similar ways, being from the same plant, so the leaves might too. It made sense; if the roots could induce death-like symptoms, then in a more concentrated dose it could work as a very strong sedative that induced actual death.

“Professor?” she asked cautiously.

Snape looked up from where he was putting crosses all over someone’s essay. “What?”

“I think…does it work as a sedative? Putting the werewolf to sleep and leaving the human consciousness in control?”

“How did you come to that conclusion?”

“I just…” Cassie flushed. She didn’t really want to talk about it with Snape. “When I’m…during a full moon without Wolfsbane, it’s almost like mind control. You’re not in control of your actions, and most of the time you’re completely unaware of them. But there are moments when it’s almost like sleep paralysis; you’re aware of yourself and your surroundings, but you can’t move. There’s something else controlling your body. With Wolfsbane that thing’s dormant, like it’s the one being supressed instead of you. It’s definitely not killed by the potion, so forced sleep makes sense.”

“How clinical.” Snape said, but he did push aside his essays in such a way that Cassie knew she’d hit on something. “Don’t feel so pleased with yourself for figuring it out. It was figured out centuries ago that temporarily supressing the lycanthropic instinct was the best that could be hoped for. You have an advantage over the generations of wizards before you by having first-hand experience and therefore a point of reference they did not possess. You’ve only succeeded at the easy part.”

Cassie ignored his pessimistic tone. Her bad mood had subsided into excitement as she considered that she might actually be getting somewhere.

“But how does the human form survive? The werewolf form is stronger, so it only being put to sleep makes sense, but the potion is ingested for a whole week before the werewolf is supposed to be dominant. Why does it only affect that part and not the human?”

“I have better things to do this evening than sit and discuss this, and I imagine you have another loud unsubtle argument to have.”

She flushed. She hadn’t realised he had been listening to that, although thinking back on it properly she realised that there was no way he couldn’t have heard it.

“Right. Thank you sir.” She grabbed her bag and left, heading towards the kitchens. Going to dinner would mean Izzy and Amy, and she couldn’t face that. The House Elves would be busy, but they always made time for a hungry student in need of food, particularly the Hufflepuffs, who were regular visitors.

Cassie ended up staying in the kitchen for longer than she intended, as the Elves were at their merriest and chattiest while serving dinner. It wasn’t until much later when the dirty dessert plates had returned to be washed that she wandered back into the Hufflepuff common room, nibbling on a piece of gingerbread. It was a cozy room, full of bean bags and the kind of sofas you sank into, all surrounding a large fireplace that was almost always lit. As always, Professor Sprout’s classical music was playing softly in the background, but it was mostly drowned out by the happy chatter of students. Cassie stepped over a group of first years sat around discussing rumours they’d heard about the Hallowe’en feast. One of them seemed to think they were served by live bats carrying trays, which made Cassie smile.

She planned to sneak up into bed early, draw her curtains and have an early night to avoid further arguments, but as she moved further into the room she saw Izzy and Amy whispering furiously at each other in the corner. Cassie didn’t need to guess what the subject of the argument was.

“-shouldn’t be here!”

“That’s not fair Amy.”

“I don’t care about fair. It’s dangerous. And _two_ of them.”

“It’s just _Cassie_.”

“Oh, if it’s just _Cassie_ I guess it’s okay then. It’s okay if _Cassie_ just snaps one day and-”

“And what, Amy?” Cassie interrupted.

They looked up at her. Izzy looked like she might cry, but Amy glowered.

“I’m not going to kill you.” Cassie continued quietly. “But I guess if your _father_ says I will you’d better get your pitchforks and start the angry mob.”

“My father knows what he’s talking about.” Amy spat.

“No he doesn’t. He knows what he and society want to know, and nothing’s going to change his mind. Or yours, it would seem, so I won’t bother trying. I’m going to bed. If you can’t bear to share a room with me I’m sure you can sleep on the sofa. But I’m not moving.”

She turned on her heel and stormed into the dormitory, where she threw herself down on her bed. Part of her wanted to indulge in crying herself to sleep, but she was so tired she just lay face down in her pillows and quickly drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing Snape in this one. As dubious as his moral character is, his sass is undeniable, and I could never do it justice.
> 
> Just a few notes on this one (the fact that I feel the need to provide notes suggests there is a problem, either with me or the story itself, but I'm pretty sure no-one reads these so I'm just amusing myself here):  
> 1 - 99% of the information about Wolfsbane is completely made up. There's very little about it in the HP universe, so I gave myself some artistic licence. Basically all we know is A) it emits blue smoke, B) it includes Aconite and C) it tastes disgusting.  
> 2 - A lot of people claim to have worked out the Hogwarts timetable from the clues in the book, but, as they all contradict each other, I'm electing to ignore them. Instead I'm basing the school day on my own English private school timetable and the boarding school parts on my mum's experience. It works with what we're given in the book, and hopefully I won't get as easily confused (famous last words)  
> 3 - The Alihotsy Draught induces hysteria, even if only the fumes are inhaled. No particular reason for this, but I felt like I needed a real potion to write about.


	7. Non-Verbal Magic

Cassie fell reluctantly into a routine of isolation over the next few days. She woke early and crept out of the dormitory for breakfast. Lunch and the hours after lessons were spent in the library, where she wrote all of her essays for the next week and then offered to help Madam Pince reorganise the shelves just so she had something to do. When curfew came she would slip back into the common room and take herself to bed early. It was lonely, but her only option; she couldn’t bring herself to do more than chat banally with her other classmates. She had a sick feeling in her gut at the thought of admitting her condition to anyone else in case they turned on her too. Occasionally part of her would protest at the fact that she had to hide away in the library when it was Amy who had the problem, but she pushed it away. It was listening to that angry voice that had got her into this position in the first place.

The only bright spot was Fridays and her extra lessons with Snape. To her surprise she was actually beginning to enjoy them. While Snape was still insisting that she study every component of the potion in detail and spent most of the hour with him in the dungeons chopping plants and having her theories brusquely shut down the whole process was strangely lethargic, something mundane and unremarkable in the mess her life had turned into. She seemed to be getting somewhere too; she could tell because Snape had stopped calling her ‘imbecile’ quite so often, resorting instead to a practically affectionate ‘idiot’.

Amy was avoiding her in lessons, which she would have appreciated had her stomach not sunk every time she saw her former friend sit purposely on the other side of the room, Izzy trailing anxiously behind her and casting mournful looks at Cassie every few minutes. Amy was taking this avoidance tactic to a whole new level in Defence Against the Dark Arts, where she continually failed to appear. After a fortnight of absences Lupin seemed to notice that something was amiss.

“Miss Harding?” he asked Izzy when Amy was absent for the register for the sixth time in a row. “I don’t suppose you know why Miss Lockwood hasn’t been in lessons?”

Izzy’s flustered stuttering told Cassie exactly why Amy wasn’t there. Izzy’s admittedly poor attempt to cover for her made Cassie’s temper flare and before she could stop herself she said sharply “She’s boycotting.”

The rest of the class looked around, confused, but Lupin caught her eye and nodded.

“I see.” he said calmly, then continued taking the register.

This lack of reaction threw Cassie slightly. Amy’s absence from Lupin’s class had infuriated her. Amy could hate her, hate what she was, but Lupin deserved better than that. He was a good man and had Dumbledore’s trust; wasn’t that enough for her? But while Cassie sat hunched low in her chair and stewed in her resentment Lupin appeared unfazed as he picked up his explanation of non-verbal magic from the end of last lesson. It was complicated if simply for the hypothetical aspect of it, and Lupin indicated a page in _Magical Theory_ that he thought might help clear things up.

“While a little dull in places” he said with a genial smile “Adalbert Waffling certainly knew what he was talking about.”

Cassie tried to shake off her irritation and turned her attention to the text book. He was right; it was dull but clear, and mercifully short. The second part of the lesson was more diverting. The room was organised into groups surrounding a selection of pillows, feathers and pieces of parchment with instructions to try and levitate them nonverbally. Soon the room was filled with the sounds of frustrated groans and the occasional person just giving up and using _wingardium leviosa_ just so they could say they got somewhere. Lupin wandered around the classroom offering encouragement to the disheartened.

Once he’d done a few rounds of the classroom he made his way to Cassie at the back of the classroom, which seemed to have been his intention to begin with. She’d managed to get a feather to herself and was sat staring it down, trying to work out how to get it to move. He came to stand beside her under the pretext of correcting her wand grip.

“Things no better between you and Miss Lockwood?” he asked in a low voice so no-one else could hear. He needn’t have bothered; over the sound of people laughing and trying to distract each other it was impossible for them to be overheard.

“No.” Cassie replied shortly, still glaring at her feather.

Lupin sighed. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be. I’m not exactly missing her right now.”

“No?”

“You heard what she was saying.”

He coughed awkwardly and wouldn’t meet her eye.

“I know you did. You and the rest of the school.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything.” he admitted.

“It’s not like you could help it. And those were the nicer things she had to say.”

“I see.”

She peered up at him, judging his reaction.

“She wasn’t very complimentary about you either.”

“I can’t imagine she was.”

This baffled her. “I would have thought you’d be more…”

“Upset?”

“Upset, annoyed, angry – I’ve been through the whole range.”

He smiled at her, then wandered off to stop a nearby Ravenclaw who had managed to set her pillow on fire. When he returned he said “I understand how you’re feeling.”

Cassie pulled a face. “That’s such a teacher thing to say.”

Lupin laughed. “But I do.”

“I suppose.”

 “There are always going to be people who don’t understand. You can explain, but you can’t make them understand. Technically, Miss Lockwood is completely within her rights to protest my teaching here. I can’t force her; I just have to hope she doesn’t choose to complain to the governors.”

“She wouldn’t.” said Cassie certainly, although recently she hadn’t been so sure.

“Like I said, I can only hope.”

“That must be awful, having your job in the hands of someone who hates you.”

Lupin shook his head. “She doesn’t hate me. Or you. She’s just scared.”

Cassie wasn’t sure she believed him, but she didn’t argue the point.

“Still,” she said “that’s horrible.”

“Quite frankly it’s shit.” He shot her a mischievous grin before darting off to break up an argument between two Gryffindors.

Cassie smiled at his informality. He looked years younger when he got that cheeky look in his eye, and she felt less like she was talking to a teacher. It was nice to know that she had someone on her side.

Lupin seemed to be thinking along the same lines, because a few minutes later he made his way back to her desk and said “It’s the first Hogsmeade weekend soon, the day after the full moon. Were you planning on going?”

Cassie shrugged. “Not really. No-one to go with.”

“I was wondering if you would want to meet somewhere, maybe have a drink?”

Her confusion must have been evident on her face because he backtracked rapidly.

“I just thought it might be nice to get to know each other, because we’re spending a lot of time together this year. I only meant in the Three Broomsticks or something. I’d completely understand if you thought it was too strange.”

She couldn’t help but laugh at the aghast look on his face. “I wasn’t accusing you of anything suspect Professor.”

He still looked slightly nervous, so she tried to show him that she’d understood his intentions.

“It’d be nice to get out of the castle after the full moon.”

“Just what I was thinking.” he said weakly.

“Three Broomsticks it is then.”

He nodded, then hurried away to finish up the class. Cassie noticed that he still looked a little pink in the cheeks as he dismissed them, and that he didn’t quite meet her eye as she handed in her feather. She left the classroom smiling to herself, feeling distinctly happier than she had done at the start of the lesson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I maybe haven't made it quite clear just how much of a slow burn I'm intending this relationship to be, so here's my peace offering to those coming here expecting romance - a not-really-a-date!
> 
> In other news, I've now actually made myself a timeline comparing the events of CoW with the actual canon, pinpointing the full moons and even telling me what day of the week everything happens on. This means that A) any timeline mistakes from now on are completely because of my incompetence with no excuses and B) I have far too much free time.


	8. A Bad Month

“Come in.”

Lupin looked up when she opened the door. He looked ashen-faced and drawn but still smiled warmly at her.

“Cassie, good to see you.”

Cassie nodded her own greeting. She felt worse than she remembered feeling last month, but had been determined to collect the first potion of the month herself instead of the alternative, which, without Izzy to coddle her, involved spending the rest of the week being clucked at and fussed over by Madam Pomfrey. Her pride had cost her though; the stairs had taken it out of her and she staggered slightly as she entered. Lupin was on his feet and at her side immediately.

“You don't look too good. Come and sit down.” He took her by the arm and led her to a chair where he gently but firmly sat her down.

“You’re not looking too great yourself.” she pointed out as he sank back into his chair. Just walking across the room had exhausted him. His already grey skin had taken on a greenish tinge and his knuckles were white where he was gripping the arms of his chair tightly.

“I'm used to it.” he said, initially brushing it off before leaning back in his chair and admitting “It’s a particularly bad month though.”

“You mean worse than last month?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“You mean they can _be_ worse than last month?” Cassie asked, looking horrified.

“Oh yes.”

She slumped back into her chair. “I don’t know how I'm going to survive this.”

“Willpower, primarily. Also, lots of chocolate.”

He slid open the top drawer of his desk and brought out a bar of Honeyduke's chocolate, which he broke a few rows off and passed to her.

“Eat it. It's amazing what chocolate can cure.”

They sat and ate in a companionable silence for a few moments. Cassie was amazed to discover that she did feel slightly better for it, concluding that it must be down to the power of comfort food.

Lupin opened his drawer again and slid a pile of three full sized bars of chocolate across the desk towards her.

“Take them.” he said, and interrupted when she tried to protest. “I stockpile, it's fine. Besides, I'll pick some up at Hogsmeade on Saturday.”

“Thank you.”

“You probably need them more than I do. But speaking of Hogsmeade...” He coughed awkwardly and turned slightly pink. “I’m sorry if you thought I was being inappropriate in the lesson on Tuesday. I realise that, as your teacher, asking you to meet me out of school like that probably wasn't proper. I’d completely understand if you wanted to cancel-”

“No, I want to.” Cassie realised she sounded overeager, like a schoolgirl with a crush desperate to spend time with her favourite teacher. She blushed furiously and continued more nonchalantly “I got where you were coming from. It’s a nice idea.”

Lupin nodded, although he still looked embarrassed. “I’m glad. I just thought you might need someone to talk to.”

“I think you might be right.” she replied quietly.

They say there, both red in the face and unsure what to say next. When there was a knock at the door they both jumped as if something illicit was taking place. They must have looked guilty too, because when Snape entered carrying two goblets of steaming Wolfsbane he raised an eyebrow and asked “I'm not...interrupting anything, am I?”

“Not at all Severus. Cassie and I were just discussing arrangements for Saturday.” Lupin said, regaining his composure.

“How thrilling.”

Snape handed them their potions and waited impatiently for them to finish them. The taste was still new and bitter to Cassie, like a sucking on a mouldy lemon, and she still gagged on the last few mouthfuls.

“Is there really nothing we can do about the taste?”

“If you think I give you an unaltered potion when an alternative exists just because I enjoy hearing you whine about it Miss Fawley, I'm afraid you are sorely mistaken. But if after just four lessons you think that you can do better than the masters that have come before you then by all means, offer your suggestions.”

“I was only meaning adding a flavouring or something.” she said sullenly.

“How are your lessons going?” Lupin asked with enough convincing interest that it wasn’t obvious that he was trying to stave off another snide comment from Snape.

“Really well.” she replied as Snape said sourly “She is competent.”

Lupin suppressed a smile as Cassie shot Snape a filthy look, but decided to cut in before she said something that she would regret.

“Looking forward to the Quidditch season Severus? I hear that Slytherin have won seven years running now. That’s impressive.”

“Yes.” Snape clearly looked as if he would rather spend a week being nice to the first years than talking about Quidditch with Lupin. “Now, if you’re quite finished.” He snatched the goblet from Cassie and made a swift retreat, the door slamming shut behind him.

“That got rid of him.” said Lupin with another flash of that cheeky smile Cassie only saw rarely.

“And without even so much as a goodbye.” she said, mock-mournfully.

They laughed, comfortable again, and Cassie felt better than she had done in a few days.

“I should probably get back.”

“I’m not having you walking around unsupervised in your state. And I’d better not see you in my lesson tomorrow either.”

“I feel much better!”

“Of course you do.” he said kindly, but it was clear he didn't really believe her. “I'll call Poppy to take you down to your dormitory. I'd take you myself, but I'm not really feeling up to all those stairs.”

He took a pinch of Floo Powder and threw it into the fireplace.

“Actually, I think I'd rather spend this week in the Hospital Wing.”

Lupin gave her a concerned look, but sent a request for Madam Pomfrey to prepare a bed before coming to collect her without demanding an explanation. When he was finished a he said was “Things still not good?”

She shook her head.

“I see.”

Cassie was glad he didn’t pry any further. She didn’t know what she would have told him if he had asked; from the outside it looked just like a rather polite schoolgirl falling out, with both sides stoically ignoring each other and Izzy caught in between. She supposed that was for the best, because anything more would cause questions that she didn’t really want to answer. At least there hadn’t been any more shouting matches, although her heart had dropped when she overheard Amy telling Izzy that she refused to sleep in the dormitory during the week of the full moon and would rather sleep on a sofa in the Common Room, although Izzy protested that this was unfair. Cassie being in the Hospital Wing would make things easier for all of them and, as angry as she still was, she was exhausted and had no more energy left for the argument. All she wanted now was a bit of peace and quiet.

“I do have an idea.” Lupin said suddenly. “Something that might cheer you up a bit.”

“Oh?”

“I’d have to ask the Headmaster…I can’t see why not though. Yes.” He smiled warmly. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Cassie was confused, but he refused to give up any more details and just looked very pleased with himself. She was still pressing for clues when Madam Pomfrey came bustling in.

“I’m glad you’ve finally come to your senses Miss Fawley. I’m sure your friends did their best to look after you last month, but I’d much rather have you where I can keep a proper eye on you. The same goes for you Remus,” she said pointedly “although I suppose you’re old enough to know what’s best now, and I can’t really drag you away from your lessons.” Her voice betrayed that she doubted Lupin’s ability to take care of himself.

“Thank you Poppy. I appreciate it.”

“Hmm. Now, Miss Fawley. I’ll give you a Pepper Up Potion and then to bed with you.”

Cassie turned and mouthed ‘help me’ as she was dragged out of the room, and Lupin just laughed as the door shut behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was actually just going to be a short paragraph at the start of what will now be the next chapter, but it turned out there were a few things I needed to put in the conversation, so it kind of grew. Also, Snape got sassy. So have a short filler chapter, with a longer one next time. I'm going to try posting more regularly, so that will be...soon.


	9. The Marauders

The castle was tense with anticipation for the Hallowe’en feast. The stories passed amongst the first years were getting wilder and wilder, although Cassie suspected that the older students were partially responsible for spreading rumours of magic-induced thunderstorms and trolls being released in the dungeons as tradition. She overheard a lot of the gossip from her bed in the Hospital Wing, including one small overeager child who was bitten by a Venomous Tentacula declaring to his friends that they annually sacrificed one of the teachers in the Chamber of Secrets – she blamed those Weasley twins two years below for that one.

Despite the feast having lost its novelty factor after six years the seventh years were still excited for the good food and excuse to have a party after the younger pupils had gone to bed. Even Cassie found herself looking forward to it, if simply as an excuse to stuff her face after the full moon.

She got the quiet she had been after though, and, once her bruised pride had recovered from having to cede defeat and give in to Madam Pomfrey, she found the constant low hum of the Hospital Wing quite relaxing. Her company mainly consisted of the Matron and once a day Snape brought her her Wolfsbane every day, snarking bitterly about having to climb the extra floor from Lupin’s office. When she felt able to she did the work set aside for her by her teachers, but she mostly just slept heavily for hours on end, thankful for the lack of interruption.

The night before Hallowe’en Cassie found herself being bundled up in coats and blankets and escorted down to the Entrance Hall while everyone else was in their last lesson. Lupin was leaning against one of the stone gargoyles wearing a worn-looking brown overcoat and a long striped scarf wrapped tightly around his neck. Despite looking even more sickly than last month he was smiling softly to himself, appearing lost in thought and barely noticing their arrival.

“I don’t know why you’re insisting on doing this Remus.” Madam Pomfrey said stiffly as they approached.

“I’m sentimental Poppy.” Lupin replied with a warm smile.

She seemed to soften a little at this. “Just don’t leave until I collect you this time.”

“I promise. Hadn’t we better go?”

Cassie was steered by Madam Pomfrey out of the castle and into the grounds. They seemed to be making their way towards the forest, so she supposed Lupin had managed to persuade Dumbledore to let them roam free again. She was pleased about this; while she’d been grateful for the quiet of the Hospital Wing, not leaving the room for a week had begun to get stifling. She was looking forward to a chance to run out in the open.

But, to her surprise, they came to a stop at the Whomping Willow. Madam Pomfrey finally released the tight grip on her arm and found a long broken branch lying nearby. With a practiced eye she evaded the thrashing branches and jabbed the stick towards the tree roots. Almost instantly the Willow froze and became unnaturally still.

“Quickly now.” the Matron said, retaking Cassie’s arm and leading her closer to the tree.

As they approached Cassie noticed a space where no roots were growing, forming a hole just large enough for a man to crawl into. She looked to Lupin, confused, and he nodded encouragingly and took the lead, dropping slightly shakily to his hands and knees and disappearing under the Willow. Cassie was helped down by Madam Pomfrey, who took up the rear of the very strange procession. Cassie found herself crawling along a damp dark tunnel trying very hard not to look at her Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher’s backside in front of her and wondering if this was all a strange fever dream brought on by the impending full moon.

Eventually the tunnel began to widen out and Lupin got to his feet and offered her a hand. She took it and he helped her to her feet, but she noticed that he was shaking with the effort. She was grateful though; a wave of nausea washed over her as she stood and he caught her by the shoulders as she stumbled.

“Okay?”

She nodded and they continued along the tunnel. The roof was still too low to stand properly and they had to stoop as they trudged through the dark. Cassie caught herself smiling to herself, imagining how to describe the situation to Izzy and Amy and felt a sudden stab of loneliness. She didn’t have much time to dwell on it, however, as the tunnel stopped abruptly and opened up into a low-ceilinged room with boarded up windows. Everything was smashed, splintered or covered in long, deep scratches, and the whole room was coated in a thick layer of grime.

Madam Pomfrey tutted in disapproval at the state of the room, fussing over Cassie as she sat her on the least destroyed chair in the room and checked her temperature.

“It would be much warmer back up at the castle.” she pointed out to Lupin as she did. “And _cleaner_.”

“Thank you Poppy.” Lupin replied sweetly. “We’ll see you in the morning.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, getting the impression that she had just been very politely dismissed.

“I’ll bring blankets.” she said sharply as she disappeared back into the tunnel.

As Lupin settled himself on the remains of an old armchair, Cassie slumped back and took in her new surroundings.

“Where _are_ we?”

“The Shrieking Shack.” he replied breezily, looking around fondly.

She thought he was joking to begin with.

“The Shrieking Shack.” she repeated.

“Yes.”

“The most haunted house in Britain?”

“In name only, I’m afraid. The truth is nothing quite as exciting.”

“But what about the sounds people have heard coming from this place? The wailing and crashing?”

“Ah,” Lupin said, suddenly embarrassed “that would be me.”

Cassie frowned. “Huh?”

“You see, I attended Hogwarts before the invention of the Wolfsbane potion, when it would have been far too dangerous for me to be near the castle on a full moon. But Dumbledore insisted that I should still go to school and arranged for me to come here every month for my transformation. Of course, they were a lot worse in those days. More…painful. And I wasn’t in control at all..”

He looked incredibly sad remembering this, and Cassie had the sudden urge to give him a hug.

“So the noises, they were…”

“Me.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Lupin looked pensive, and Cassie wondered why he had brought her here. If it had been her she would have been happy to burn the place to the ground and never return, but it clearly meant a lot to him to be back.

“You know, this is still a really weird surprise.”

“Point taken.” he laughed.

“And you’re sure this place isn’t haunted?”

“Unless something’s moved in since I was at school…”

“Not funny.”

“I apologise.”

He fell into a thoughtful silence again. Cassie wanted to ask more questions, but the drowsiness she recognised from last time had begun to settle and her desire to sleep was greater than her curiosity. There would be plenty of time later, she thought, so she allowed her eyelids to droop and sleep to engulf her.

****

When she woke Lupin was gone, but a creak of floorboards above her head and a trail of dust falling from the ceiling told her where he was. The pre-moon energy had kicked in leaving her feeling restless, so she got to her feet and went out into the hallway. The whole house was in a similar state of disrepair to the room she had slept in, covered in cobwebs and rotting. She heard a scurry of movement from a startled rat – at least, she hoped it was a rat – as she approached the stairs. They were warped and covered in some rather suspicious stains. Cassie feared that they wouldn't hold her weight and took them quickly, reaching a second floor that was just as derelict as the first.

She found Lupin in what looked like an old parlour, judging by the furniture inside, although everything in here was equally as destroyed as in all the other rooms. The floor creaked as she approached him and he turned, an old scrap of paper clutched in his hand.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Much better. You?”

“Likewise. I'm just reminiscing about old times.”

“You seem quite fond of this place for what it was.”

“It wasn't all bad.”

“I still don't quite get why you wanted to bring me here. It seems like this place is very personal to you. I don't want to intrude.”

“You’re not intruding.” he said kindly. “I wanted you to see where I came when I was your age.”

“It must have been awful.”

“Mostly, but there were some bearable, even enjoyable moments. I was understating it earlier when I said that my friends helped me. If I’m entirely honest, I’m not sure I would have made it through without them.” He hesitated, seeming to weigh up what he should say next. “Cassie, you’re going through a lot right now. I’d like to be able to support you through that, but right now I’m just your teacher, and there’s a certain distance that is associated with that role. I hope I can continue to be a mentor to you, but you need more than that right now and I suppose that what I am trying very poorly to say is that, insofar as I am able, I would like to be your friend.”

The offer hung in the silence that followed it. Through the evening’s gloom Cassie saw Lupin’s cheeks flush and his head bow with embarrassment. He assumed her silence was a rejection, a sign she was freaked out by his offer of friendship. He couldn’t have been further from the truth; the only reason she hadn’t spoken was because she was fighting back tears.

“I understand if you think that’s strange or inappropriate.” he said hurriedly.

“No.” she whispered. “I’d…I’d like that. A lot.”

The tears did come then, and her shoulders shook as she sobbed. She buried her face in her hands, humiliated at crying in front of him and terrified that he now thought her crazy and overemotional. But then  she felt his comforting hand on her shoulder.

“It’s going to be okay Cassie.” he said gently, and for the first time she believed it.

They spent the rest of their restless hour wandering from room to room while Lupin told endless stories about his adventures at school with his friends. He showed her the piece of paper he’d had in his hand earlier, which turned out to be an old photograph of him at school along with his three best friends sat by the lake. Cassie studied it hard, finding herself eager to see what he had looked like at her age. Even as a young man he had looked older than his years, but that was mainly the exhaustion she was becoming reluctantly familiar with herself. Other than that the photograph showed a handsome boy, tall and lanky with a mischievous gleam in his eye laughing at the hijinks of his friends.

She got present-day Lupin to tell her about the others in the photograph. Furthest on the left there was a short pudgy boy named Peter who had pointed features and an innocent look about him, gazing with admiration at the other boys. Lupin spoke very fondly of him, and she wondered what had happened to him to make her teacher look so sad. Cassie recognised the next boy in the photograph; it was impossible not to, with his exact copy being the most famous wizard in the world and passing her in the corridor on a daily basis.

“You knew James Potter?”

“Yes. A brilliant wizard and superb Quidditch player, but a complete arse at times.” said Lupin, laughing. “He mostly grew out of that thankfully, probably in most part due to Lily’s influence. He was a good man though, and one of the best friends I could have asked for.”

The next man in the photo seemed oddly familiar too, although Cassie couldn’t quite place it. The glow Lupin had got while talking about James disappeared when she asked.

“Ah. That’s…that would be Sirius.”

“As in Black?” Cassie asked, stunned.

“Yes. I won’t pretend I didn’t love him dearly when I knew him, or when I thought I did. He was loyal, devastatingly clever and his pranks would have given the Weasley twins a run for their money. I still don’t understand how he became what he did.”

His face darkened and Cassie was scared she’d upset him. She understood who Peter was now too, the Pettigrew boy who had been killed by Black after he had betrayed the Potters to You-Know-Who. She couldn’t blame Lupin for being reluctant to talk about him.

“Would it help to talk about him in the abstract?” she offered. “Some other name, for the other man you knew?”

Lupin smiled softly again. “You know, that’s not a bad idea. We had nicknames at school, just between ourselves. Silly really now, but whatever Sirius Black has done I can never think badly of Padfoot.”

“I won’t even ask why you called him that. What was yours?”

“You’ll laugh.”

“I promise I won’t.”

He hesitated before saying “I was called Moony. For obvious reasons.”

Cassie had to bite her lip.

“I’m not laughing.” she pointed out, though he was. “But Merlin’s beard that’s terrible.”

“We were fourteen! You can hardly accuse us of lack of creativity.”

“Whatever you say, _Moony_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much for updating more regularly. It's been a pretty hectic time recently and this chapter gave me a hard time. I actually had to rewrite it completely from my first draft, where it was originally darker and Lupin was a lot angstier, which just wasn't right. Although he still had a very strange idea of how to cheer up teenage girls.


	10. The Three Broomsticks

Lupin hadn't been lying when he'd said that this full moon was going to be rough. Cassie felt like red hot knives were being driven into her skin and tearing her apart from the inside. She opened her mouth but couldn't tell if she screamed or not before she blacked out because the ringing in her ears was deafening.

When she woke up she was too exhausted to move. She huddled in her corner of the room, shivering. After a few minutes Lupin heaved himself to his feet and padded slowly over to her to nudge her gently, silently asking if she was okay. She raised her head slightly – the only movement she was currently capable of – and he huffed in relief. He moved a few paces away before curling up and closing his eyes to sleep. He was far enough away to give her space, but close enough to be comforting, and Cassie appreciated the sentiment more than she could say. She had been planning to explore the Shack in her wolfish form, excited to hone her new sharp sense of smell, but she found her own eyes drooping shut and sank back into unconsciousness sprawled inelegantly across the rotting floorboards. She was only barely aware of the pain of the morning transformation, when, aching and nauseous, she dragged her robe over her and huddled under it until Madam Pomfrey returned in the early hours of the morning.

She was remarkably gentle, wrapping them both in blankets and cooing softly to Cassie as she held her close and rubbed her shoulders to try and warm her up. Lupin sat nearby, clutching his blanket close to him and staring at the floor. His face was the colour of old porridge.

The journey back was hard going, and the sun was entirely up by the time they reached the castle. Madam Pomfrey insisted that they both come back to the Hospital Wing and this time Lupin, still grey faced, didn't argue. A few early-rising students were starting to come down to breakfast so they were hurried along a series of secret passages, some of which Cassie hadn't realised existed, to prevent them from having to come up with an excuse as to why the Defence Professor and a seventh year were wondering around the halls in large fluffy dressing gowns.

They managed to reach the Hospital Wing undetected and had several potions of various colours, consistencies and disgusting tastes shoved at them while the matron tended to the cuts and bruises that Cassie was beginning to expect after a transformation. Eventually their beds were curtained off from the rest of the room and they were let alone, under severe instructions to have a long sleep and no, Remus Lupin, don't you even think about sneaking out, I know you remember, I'll be coming back and checking on you both. Lupin smile graciously and thanked her, lying back gratefully into the soft pillows.

“That was particularly unpleasant.” he said, exhaling deeply.

“You're telling me.” muttered Cassie. “Why is that? What's worse about this month than last month?”

“There are lots of theories, things like the proximity of the moon to the earth or the positions of various planets, but really that's just a fancy way of saying nobody knows.”

“Ah, such reassuring certainty.”

“You'll have to get used to it. Lycanthropy is notoriously difficult to study, and very few people bother.”

“Oh well. I quite like the air of mystery it gives us.”

“Such optimism.” chuckled Lupin.

“Sorry.”

“Don't be. It's delightfully uplifting.”

“I aim to please.”

The conversation petered out, and both of them gradually dropped off into a deep and thankful sleep for the next few hours.

When they awoke Cassie still felt a bit stiff and weary, but felt infinitely better than she had the night before. House Elves had brought up some warm clothes for her while she had been asleep, so she gratefully pulled on her jeans and blue knitted jumper, picked up the coat and scarf that had been left and made her way to Madam Pomfrey's office, where she managed to argue her way out of further rest and recuperation by persuading the matron that what she needed was fresh air and that the visit to Hogsmeade would hardly be very straining. By the time her freedom had been bargained for and she left with instructions to take another small vial of Wolfsbane in a few hours time to ensure she didn't keel over, she was running late for registration and hurried down the stairs as quickly as her aching joints would allow with Lupin at her side, congratulating her argumentative skills.

“It took me a good few years before I could persuade her to let me go before lunchtime. I was always trying to sneak out without her noticing.” he admitted with a mischievous smile.

When they reached the third floor he apologetically explained that the full moon had made him fall behind on his marking and that he would have to join her in Hogsmeade in a couple of hours time. They agreed a time to meet and Cassie hurried down to the Entrance Hall just in time to join the end of the queue to the horseless carriages. She ended up in a carriage with a couple of disinterested sixth years and spent the journey to the wizarding town staring wistfully out of the window, remembering how much she normally looked forwards to Hogsmeade trips with Izzy and Amy and feeling very sorry for herself, if a little clichéd. She'd seen them in the queue ahead of her and briefly considered asking if she could join them, but her pride caught her at the last minute.

While Hogsmeade had been exciting and magical as a third year, it had become old news after five years. Still, Cassie had a soft spot for the village, and managed to amuse herself for a couple of hours wondering around her favourite stores and even managed to find a few things she wanted to buy. By the time she made her way into the Three Broomsticks she had a couple of bags from the bookshop, a new quill and a few items from Honeydukes. She ordered herself some Butterbeer, briefly considered ordering one for Lupin before deciding that it would be too weird, and took it to a booth in the back of the pub. She sat nursing it for a few minutes and started reading one of the new books she had bought – an exploration of runes as used in ancient Norse culture that she thought might be useful for her next Ancient Runes essay – before Lupin hurried in, bundled up against the cold October winds in a long scarf and worn looking overcoat. She gave him a small wave and he smiled his recognition. He came over in a few moments later carrying his own flagon of Butterbeer.

“Sorry I’m late.” he said, sliding into the seat opposite her. “I was just having a cup of tea with someone.”

“I'll forgive you.”

“So, how was your morning? Did you get plenty of fresh air like you promised? And did you remember to take your potion?”

“Yes Professor.” she said, rolling her eyes. “I thought it was Madam Pomfrey who was supposed to do the nagging?”

“I'm allowed to be concerned.”

“I suppose. I feel better, just really, _really_ tired.”

“It's the Hallowe'en feast tonight, so you can eat a lot and then have an early night tonight. And of course there's always chocolate.”

“Oh, that reminds me!” Cassie reached into one of her bags and pulled out a few large bars of chocolate. “To replace the ones you gave me yesterday.”

Lupin laughed and pulled another two bars out of the pocket of his overcoat. 

“Snap.”

“That should tide you over until...ooh, next week at least.”

“Thank you. You didn't have to-”

“Shhh.” Cassie shook her head at his protests. “You've been very good to me since the start of the year. Me giving you chocolate allows me to say thank you without all of the mushy emotional stuff which, as I think we proved last night, we're not very good at.”

Lupin smiled fondly. “I'll accept it.”

“Good. Because that's entirely more chocolate than I will ever eat in my entire life, and if you won't take it I'll be forced to throw it away, which would just be the most tremendous waste.”

“Then I'll just have to take them then.” He pocketed four of the five bars and peeled back the foil on the other. “Care for a piece?” He passed a row over and they sat for a few moments, chewing thoughtfully.

As they ate Cassie noticed that he kept casting anxious looks over his shoulder into the bustling crowds of the pub.

“What's wrong?” she asked.

“I'm just realising that it's rather busy in here. I should probably have suggested the Hog's Head instead, although I wouldn't have wanted you waiting there by yourself. You can get some quite nasty characters there. Still, there are a lot of people...”

“Calm down.” Cassie said. “If anyone looks over here all they're going to think is that I'm a complete loser who has no friends and has to sit with a teacher. They wouldn't be far off actually.”

He didn't seem mollified by this, so Cassie sighed and reached into her bag. She pulled out a few of her new books, a couple of sheets of parchment and her new quill and put them on the table.

“There.” she announced. “You're helping me with an essay, and it didn't seem fair to keep me back up at the castle when everyone else is down here.”

“That's...a fairly good cover, actually.” He sounded impressed. 

“I grew up with the ultimate strict parents. Never doubt my ability to lie fluently and on demand.”

“I'm not sure you should have told me that.” he laughed. “Now I'll never believe anything you tell me ever again.”

“It'll keep you on your toes.” she replied with a sly smile.

They occupied themselves for a while with their drinks, and Lupin picked up her volume on Norse runes and flicked through it to at least make it look like they were doing some work.

“Were your parents really that bad?” he asked suddenly. “Purebloods can often be a little...precocious-”

Cassie snorted derisively at this understatement.

“-but an inflated sense of self importance doesn't make them fundamentally bad people.”

“Okay, story time.” Cassie said, putting down her Butterbeer. “One of my earliest memories is from when I was six and I discovered the wonder that was extra pudding. We had this small army of House Elves, and I realised that all it took was for me to ask them for trifle or a banana split or apple pie or whatever I wanted and it would be delivered straight to me. To my six year old self this was the most incredible thing ever, and quite frankly the concept of pudding whenever I want it still fills me with great delight.”

Lupin chuckled softly at the thought of young Cassie finding a loophole in the pudding system, but Cassie shook her head and carried on.

“Now, one particularly cold and snowy Christmas Day, I had put in a request with this one House Elf who had been with us since she was born, although I never knew her name, for some extra chocolate roulade. As she was bringing it to me – just an innocent piece of chocolate roulade, remember – my mother walked in and completely flipped. You'd have thought this elf was feeding me a Draught of Living Death the way she was screeching. She grabbed her, lifted her up by her ear and dragged her from the room. I went after them, not really understanding what was going on and demanding to know where my chocolate roulade was. My mother dragged this elf over to the fireplace, grabbed my stocking off the mantelpiece and, while the elf was begging and crying, jammed it down over her head. This elf hadn't done anything wrong; she'd just been following the orders I'd given her. But freeing her wasn't enough for my mother, no. She dragged her, still stuck in the stocking, to the front door, where she literally drop-kicked her into a nearby snow drift. She then turned to me and screeched that she'd do the same thing to me if I ever went behind her back ever again.”

Lupin's smile had fallen now, and he watched as tears began to well in Cassie's eyes as she remembered.

“Being the little kid I was I didn't really understand what had happened. I opened the door the next morning, hoping to find the elf and tell her I was sorry for getting her in trouble. She was lying on our front step. She'd frozen to death overnight.”

Lupin made to put his hand over hers comfortingly, by she pulled away and brushed away the tears that were forming.

“So yeah.” she said, her voice cracking slightly. “I suppose that answers your question?”

“Cassie, I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. That was actually my mother in a good mood.” She tried to laugh, but it was forced and uncomfortable so she stopped fairly quickly. 

There was a long silence while Lupin searched around for something to say and she stared down at her hands in her lap.

“More chocolate please.” she whispered.

Lupin snapped off another row from the bar and slid it across the table towards her.

“I'm sorry.” she said, taking it from him. 

“It's alright, really.” he replied gently. “You're tired and under a lot of stress. You're allowed to get a little emotional sometimes.”

“I'd really rather not. I'm already the loser sitting with the teacher; I'd rather not have the embarrassment of public crying added to that list.”

“You're allowed to have emotions other than 'grumpy' you know.”

Cassie scoffed. “Screw that. Here's my suggestion; I go to the bathroom, compose myself, get us both another drink and then come back and we pretend that this never happened.”

Lupin looked like he didn't really like this idea, but before he could protest she had stood up and was making her way to the bar. He sighed and began flicking through one of her books again, although he wasn't really paying attention to what he was reading. When Cassie returned she was clutching another two mugs of Butterbeer and had a completely natural looking smile on her face, although she was still slightly red around the eyes.

“Madam Rosmerta asked my if the other drink was for my date.” she laughed as she slid back into her seat. 

“Cassie...” Lupin began.

“I told her that if I got a date while I spent my Hogsmeade weekends writing essays with teachers it would be a bloody miracle.”

Lupin hesitated for a second, but realised that pressing her any further was just going to make things worse and decided to leave it for now.

“I'll warn you, the dating pool for werewolves is notoriously small.”

“Darn.” she sighed melodramatically. “There go all of my grand romantic plans.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon tucked away in that small booth discussing everything except their previous conversation. Cassie even mentioned her parents once in a rather derisive tone and Lupin tensed, but she moved quickly on to pressuring him to reveal gossip about the teachers. He forced himself to relax and began hinting vaguely at what it was Professor Flitwick did during his Summer holidays.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated. Things have been a bit chaotic lately, and it's likely to get a bit more hectic soon because I'm currently house hunting in Oxford to move up there for my new job (hurray for adulthood and responsibility!). It should settle a bit more after that, and I have plans for the next chapter. 
> 
> I had intended this chapter to go very differently, but it suddenly became story time with Cassie for character development. Oh well.
> 
> This marks the chapter where I realise that I've been spelling Hogsmeade incorrectly this entire time...whoops.


	11. Hallowe'en

They spent the rest of the Hogsmeade visit chatting happily about nothing in particular and purposefully avoiding the topic that still hung heavily over them. Lupin walked Cassie back to the carriages and they parted with a friendly smile. Cassie managed to find space in a carriage with a Rosa and Maddy, the two other girls in their dormitory who were nice enough although Cassie had spent very little time with them, and spent the journey back to the carriage excitedly discussing the Hallowe'en feast. Cassie was especially looking forward to it; the fatigue of the full moon was beginning to wear off and now she was ravenously hungry. Together with Rosa and Maddy she went back to the common room to change back into her school robes for the feast, grabbed her pointed hat and made her way to the Great Hall. They were greeted by a cloud of bats that were flying around the hall and the light of hundreds of candles flickering and casting dancing shadows on the walls. Cassie sat herself politely besides Rosa and occasionally joined in their conversation, but her attention was mainly on the platters of food that appeared on the Hufflepuff table. She tucked into everything she could reach; steak pie, mounds of mashed potato and several helpings of sticky toffee pudding. A quick glance up at the teacher's table showed that Lupin was doing the same, although he was managing to restrain himself enough to hold an animated conversation with Professor Flitwick.

By the time the last of the food disappeared from the tables even Cassie was stuffed full to bursting. Once the entertainment – a formation gliding routine put on by the ghosts – had finished she began to make her way back through the throng of students returning to their various common rooms. It was slow going, and she had only just reached the door to the dungeons when there was a commotion on the stairs and the tide of the crowd began to turn back to the Great Hall. There was great confusion amongst all of the students and no-one seemed to be able to say why they were heading back into the hall. Cassie spotted the tip of Professor Sprout's hat bobbing through the crowd and fought her way against the flow of students towards her.

“What's going on Professor?” she asked.

Sprout was red in the face and very flustered.

“Oh, I'm not sure if I can tell you dear, dreadful business – Spall, stop pushing! – and I've only heard the basics, all I know is that we're supposed to get absolutely everyone back into the hall – Wentworth, you don't need to go back for your cat, it'll be fine. Just go! – so they can make sure everyone's alright – Spall, what did I just say about pushing? You'll get there even faster if you don't keep causing a commotion.”

“Why wouldn't people be alright?” asked Cassie, trying to resist being dragged along by the crowd.

“Oh dear, I can hardly believe it myself, but the message came from the Headmaster that Gryffindor common room was attacked – detention, Spall!”

“Attacked?” Cassie couldn't quite believe what she'd heard. “By what?”

“By Sirius Black!”

A murmur rose up around them, and Cassie heard someone a short distance away cry out 'Sirius Black?' There was a huge commotion as everyone began shouting and a nearby first year began crying. The crowd began to push even harder to get into the hall and Cassie found herself buffeted along with it.

Inside the hall the Gryffindors all stood looking scared and stunned. The long house tables had been pushed to the sides, and the floor was covered in rows of squashy looking purple sleeping bags. Professor Dumbledore was deep in discussion with Professor McGonagall, and after a moment he nodded and she hurried out of the room. He followed quickly, turning only to wish the assembled school a good nights sleep and to draw the door shut behind him with a flick of his wand.

As soon as the doors were shut the students erupted, everyone trying to find out from the Gryffindors exactly what had happened. There were cries of 'Sirius Black!' from all around the room, and the first years all clung together looking like they were accepting the end of their days. No-one was listening to Percy Weasley and Penelope Clearwater who had been left in charge and were trying desperately to get people to find a sleeping bag and go to sleep.

Cassie was distracted. She wasn't really worried about her own safety, knowing that Professor Dumbledore would have placed wards on the doors making it impossible for Black to get at them. Instead her thoughts were with Lupin and how he had to be feeling about this. She thought back to the conflict he had clearly felt when telling her that he had been friends with the famous murderer, and wondered what he would do if he was the one who came face to face with the man he had once known as Padfoot.

She was dragged out of her thoughts when she saw Izzy, alone in the crowd and looking terrified. All of a sudden Cassie just couldn't take it any more. She pushed her way through to Izzy and threw her arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug.

“I am so sorry Izz.” she said into Izzy's shoulder.

Izzy hugged her back so tightly that Cassie thought she might squeeze her in half.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I do too. I was a complete bitch to you and you did absolutely nothing to deserve it.”

“I did. I should have stood up for you more with Amy. Oh Cass...”

Cassie drew away from the embrace as Amy arrived. Her normally rosy cheeks were unusually pale, and she looked like she was about to throw up. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Cassie.

“I'll go.” Cassie murmured to Izzy. “I'll talk to you later. Make sure she's okay?”

She had just turned to leave when she heard Amy's voice say quietly “No, stay.”

Cassie was stunned when she realised who had spoken.

“What?”

Amy flushed and stared determinedly at the stone floor.

“I'd...I'd like it if you stayed. Please.”

It took a while before Cassie could say anything at all.

“But...you hate me.” she stuttered. “You're scared of me. It's the night after the full moon and-”

“And I've realised that tonight there are scarier things out there than you.”

Cassie gave a choked laugh. “You mean you've decided that I'm not demon spawn any more?”

“Cass, please don't start anything.” Izzy begged.

“I won't. But I'm damned well going to finish something.”

“Cassie! Don't you dare!”

Cassie ignored her and looked directly at Amy, who still hadn't raised her eyes from Cassie's shoes.

“I have something to say.” she started. “And I'd like it if you didn't say anything until I've finished, because I've been planning this speech in my head for ages and if you interrupt me then I'm going to lose my place.”

Amy didn't speak, which Cassie took as a cue to continue talking.

“I hate what you said to me last month. I _hate_ it. I needed you to be there for me and you called me a monster. You refused to listen when I tried to explain and you couldn't understand why I was so angry with you.”

“Cassie!” Izzy tried to intervene, grabbing her arm and attempting to drag her away.

“But you know what?” Cassie continued, pulling her arm away and brushing Izzy off. “The real reason that it hurt so much was because you were saying everything that I was thinking but didn't dare to say out loud.”

Amy looked up, surprised. She'd been expecting a verbal and possibly even physical bashing.

“What?” she blurted out.

Cassie said. “Look, your attitude was severely shitty. I don't like what you think of...of people with my condition. But then there's no reason that you _should_ like it. It sucks, and trust me, I'm speaking from first hand experience here. And it's not like I gave you any reason to think any different, mouthing off at you at every possible moment and acting oh so superior. There's definitely a case to be made there to say that my attitude was equally shitty. I guess we've both been colossal idiots – both with good reason too – and we'll both just have to try harder because the whole thing is stupid and totally unfair on Izzy and quite frankly I've really really missed you you complete and utter plonker.”

Amy remained completely silent and wide eyed for a moment. Then she threw herself at Cassie and flung her arms around her neck, almost knocking her to the ground. Cassie hugged her back tightly.

Izzy threw her hands up in despair. “So, all it took was the threat of a painful death at the hands of a mass murderer to get you two to get your act together. Honestly.”

“Nothing like a near-death experience to bring everyone together.” Cassie grinned at her over Amy's head.

They only let go of each other when Penelope Clearwater marched past and barked at them to stop being so melodramatic and to go to bed.

“Someone's on a power trip.” Amy muttered, rolling her eyes at Penelope's back. They all laughed, and Cassie laughed especially hard. She felt so glad to be making jokes again, like she somehow hadn't been allowed for the past month and now she could again.

The three of them grabbed vacant sleeping bags and dragged them into a small empty space where they could settle down close to one another and whisper together as Percy Weasley turned out the lights.

“So,” Izzy asked quietly once it was dark “what happened? You were gone for half the week, and then Arabella Spencer from the year below said she saw you covered in dirt and dust in the Hospital Wing this morning.”

Cassie looked to Amy.

“I won't say anything if you're not comfortable with it.” she said.

Amy hesitated for a moment. “If I pretend it's not real will it go away?”

“'Fraid not.”

“Then I guess I kind of have to get used to it, don't I?” she said with a shrug.

Cassie nodded. “Yeah, I'm sorry. And I'm not going to sugar coat it either. Although you'll be glad to know that I wasn't actually in the castle either last night or last month.”

Amy tried really hard to prevent her relief at this news from showing on her face, and Cassie couldn't express how much she appreciated that.

“What? But you said-”

“Shhh, I know what I said. It's time for a story, children.”

Cassie told them everything from her meeting with Lupin on the first day of school, avoiding too many particular details about the transformation to save Amy any discomfort; she wasn't going to risk upsetting her now that she'd got her back. Cassie had missed having a captive and appreciative audience for her stories, relishing in the disgust at the revelation of her having extra lessons with Snape and the combination of emotions at the news of Lupin's 'surprise'.

“You were in the Shrieking Shack?” Amy asked, her eyes wide with excitement.

“You were in the Shrieking Shack?” Izzy gasped, horrified.

She hesitated over the details of Lupin's past and decided that the news of his and Sirius Black's friendship would be too much excitement for one night. Instead she stuck with the basic gist of their conversation, and downplayed their meeting at the Three Broomsticks too, claiming that they just 'happened' to meet and that he wanted to check up on how she was feeling after the full moon.

It was as she was finishing her story that Professor Dumbledore reappeared in the hall. He had a hurried discussion with Percy Weasley before being joined by Snape, who looked to be in a particularly foul mood. Cassie was close enough to hear short snippets of their hushed conversation.

“You remember the conversation...” Snape was saying very quietly.

“I do, Severus.”

“...almost impossible...without inside help.”

Izzy and Amy who were both also listening exchanged furtive and slightly excited looks.

“...concerns when you appointed-”

“I do not believe a single person inside this castle would have helped Black enter it.”

Izzy's eyebrows were almost in her hairline and Amy looked like she'd just been told that she'd been made Minister for Magic. Suddenly Cassie was incredibly glad she had not told them about Lupin's former friendship.

When Dumbledore and Snape had left Amy and Izzy both started whispering excitedly.

“Does Snape think someone helped Black get in?”

“Who would help Black?”

“Why would anyone help him. He's a nutter!”

“Why did he go after Gryffindor anyway?”

“I don't know.” was Cassie's answer to every single one of these questions. Having been so happy only moments before she rolled over and went to sleep with a heavy sick feeling in her stomach.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may have abandoned my main NaNo project because I wrote myself into a corner and am now using this as my NaNo novel. Whoops. But at least you don't have to wait a month before another chapter?


	12. Keeping the Peace

Cassie couldn't remember the last time she was as happy as she was in the weeks leading up to Christmas. She still went through periods where her mood swings scared even her, but Izzy was excellent at calming her down when she was fuming. Amy was still avoiding the topic whenever she could but she had started to attend Lupin's Defence Against the Dark Arts lessons again – something he had noted with a small smile but thankfully no comment – and had at some point taken note of the large stack of chocolate now hidden in her bedside table and kept bringing her surprise comfort food in the form of cakes and chocolates, which she handed to her with a "just 'cause" and an awkward shrug. Cassie appreciated this more than she could ever express. Amy was trying, and while the occasional snippy comment had to be reigned in by a sharp look from Izzy, things were mostly back to the way they had been.

  
Her extra lessons with Professor Snape only made her appreciate having her friends back even more. After the third lesson in a row that he had her practicing the correct method for crushing bezoar stones she realised how cathartic it was to throw herself melodramatically onto one of the beanbags in the common room and complain loudly about him. Izzy would listen sympathetically and Amy kept throwing chocolate squares at her face, trying to get one into her mouth and failing consistently, more often than not missing entirely and once nearly blinding her by hitting her in the eye. It wasn't perfect by any means, with Amy suddenly finding excuses to leave every time the word 'werewolf' came up in conversation, but it was nice, and nice was what Cassie needed in the run up to Christmas. The annual return to the Fawley house loomed over her like an ever present cloud.

“If I could get out of it I would.” she moaned to Lupin when he asked about her plans. They were waiting for their Wolfsbane potion in his office on the first evening of the week before the November full moon. “It's like all of the worst things most people hate about about Christmas with an added dose of offensive opinions and constant personal insults.”

Lupin allowed himself a small smile, realising that her complaints were genuine. “Sounds like fun.”

“Super fun. It's only got better since that time when I was six I told you about.”

“Is there really nothing you enjoy about the holidays?

“Well, Christmas lunch always means my mother – who put in exactly no effort other than ordering the poor House Elves around, mind – instructing me to eat more to show that I appreciate all her hard work and then telling me that I'm getting 'pudgy' in the same breath. Then there are the presents, which are always far too expensive and that I'm never grateful enough for. After that I have to spend the day being extra polite to my grandmother, who blames muggleborns for absolutely everything, including her losing her glasses.”

“She sounds like delightful woman.”

“And this year is going to be especially fun because the full moon is on the twenty-ninth and I have a feeling that 'your granddaughter's a werewolf and it's all our fault' is not a conversation my mother's going to have had with granny dearest.”

****

Her fears of a Fawley Christmas were alleviated only a couple of days later, however, when her tawny owl Artemis landed in front of her at the breakfast table and politely presented her with a letter. Cassie took it from her and passed her a piece of bacon from her plate. She recognised her mother's swooping handwriting and opened it cautiously – her mother had been known to send her howlers whenever she was displeased about something Cassie had done, something Cassie hadn't done or even just the weather – and began to read. As she scanned down the page a broad grin spread across her face.

“What is it?” Amy asked through a mouthful of porridge.

“Mother dearest has decided that it would put a dampner on the festivities were I to come home for Christmas and exist in her general vicinity.” She read a little further on. “Oh, she's also decided that I'm not allowed have any contact with my extended family. She seems to think that any mention of the 'w' word would cause my grandmother to suffer a sudden heart attack and then I would be responsible for her death." She considered this. "That's probably true actually. I might just drop her a Christmas card filling her in and hope for a Christmas miracle.”

Amy raised her eyebrows and returned her attention to her porridge.

“So you're staying here for the holidays?” asked Izzy.

“Looks like it.”

“But Amy's at home and I'm in Italy! Rosa and Maddy are going home too. You'll be all by yourself until the new year. What are you going to do?”

“Get blind drunk and wake up in bed with one of the ghosts?” Amy suggested.

"I feel like there's a line about 'getting into the Christmas spirit' somewhere."

“I'm serious.” Izzy said, rolling her eyes at Amy. “I'm sure my parents would be happy for you to come with us.”

“Oh no, bad idea. Very bad idea. The full moon's a few days after Christmas, remember? You'd spend half the time cleaning up my vomit and the other half explaining to the hotel staff why I wrecked the room.”

Amy pulled a face and dropped her spoon back into her porridge. “Thanks for that image. Just what I needed.”

“You're welcome.”

“She does have a point though. Maybe it's best for her to be here with someone who actually knows what they're doing.” She indicated Lupin with a nod of her head, who was walking past on his way down from the teacher's table.

“Good morning.” he said pleasantly as he passed. He noticed Cassie's broad grin and stopped alongside where they were sitting.

"Morning sir." Cassie said happily.

“Good news?” he asked, indicating the letter that was still clutched in her hands.

“I've been banished.”

“And that's good?”

“Good? It's bloody brilliant!” exclaimed Amy.

Cassie laughed at her friend's outburst.

“You have no idea." she explained. " It means I get to spend the holidays here instead of in Christmas hell.”

Lupin looked pleased at this news.

“I have to admit I'm glad. I was a little worried about you being there for the full moon...”

"Don't worry sir." Amy said brightly. "We would have stolen her away from them and held her hostage if it had come to it."

He looked suddenly grave. "You know I can't condone that course of action Miss Lockwood."

She was about to protest that she had only been joking when he cracked a sly smile.

"Not in any official capacity anyway."

He bobbed his head happily and walked away. Amy watched him go curiously,

"He's alright." she announced. She picked up her spoon and returned her attention enthusiastically to her porridge. 

Izzy frowned. 

"You hated him a few days ago." she pointed out.

"He's alright." Amy's tone was firm and final.

Izzy looked like she was about to question her further, but Cassie caught her eye and shook her head quickly.

Izzy cornered her about this in the Common Room later while Amy had gone to the toilet.

"Look, no-one's happier than me that you two are talking again," she said, closing the book she had been reading "but pretending it didn't happen isn't right. You're blaming yourself too much."

"It's keeping the peace, isn't it?"

"But you were majorly pissed at her before. Surely you can't just let that go?"

"So would you rather we were still arguing?"

"No. But I'd also rather you didn't shoulder the blame for something that wasn't your fault just for my sake."

"I don't get it. You were on her side."

"It's not like you exactly gave me much chance to be on yours." Izzy snapped, causing Cassie to bow her head in shame.

"You're right." she said. "I'm sorry."

Izzy bit her lip. "I'm just trying to look out for you. Don't let her walk all over you."

"Trust me. I won't. But she's trying, and that's all I can really ask."

"I wouldn't call 'not talking about it' 'trying'."

"Well I would, and isn't that the point?" Cassie said, a little sharply.

"I guess." said Izzy, clearly not convinced. "So is that it? She's trying not to offend you within earshot, so we're ignoring the fact that she still thinks you're dangerous?"

"Yeah, well, it's not like she hasn't got a point." Cassie muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing." 

Izzy was about to press her further when Any returned from the bathroom looking irritated.

"Sorry. Peeves stole some first year's Potions essay and stuffed it down the toilet. I've only just managed to get her to stop crying and convince her that Snape won't feed her the Venomous Tentacular in the greenhouse if she asks for an extension."

"But he will." Cassie pointed out.

"I know that, but the truth would have traumatised the poor girl. Budge up." Amy slumped onto the sofa next to Cassie. "So what's the dealio?"

Cassie gave Izzy a warning look over Amy's head.

"The fact that you just said dealio?" Izzy said, shaking her head slightly as she turned her attention back to the book in her lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having said I'd try and post more regularly, everything kind of got on top of me - a new job, moving cities and falling ill aren't exactly the most productive circumstances. But I'm back now! It's a bit of a filler chapter, but that's mainly because the original chapter got a little long and I decided to split it in two. Hopefully that'll be up soon.
> 
> The inspiration for Amy bringing Cassie comfort food is my Dad, who, whenever I'm ill, stressed or upset always brings me random gifts of sweets and chocolate and things. It's adorable and never fails to cheer me up.


	13. The Cover Lesson

It was the end of November before the lycanthropy began to take hold and Cassie was confined for to her bed for the last few days before the full moon. This month was remarkably easy - although that may just have been in comparison to the hell that had been October - and while Madam Pomfrey still forbade her from attending lessons for the last few days of what they had affectionately begun calling 'Hell Week', she was able to sit in the common room while everyone else was at lessons, wrapped in blankets in front of the fire and for the most part keeping on top of her work load. It was nice to be able to stay in her own cosy four poster bed in the dormitory instead of the overly clean Hospital Wing beds and her friends were preferable nurses to Madam Pomfrey, if simply because they fed her chocolate habit and kept her abreast of the school gossip.

On the Saturday evening before, two days before the full moon, the talk of the Common Room was that days Quidditch match against Gryffindor and Harry Potter's fall from his broom.

“I mean, it's not like I don't like winning because I really really do," Amy was saying as she lay back on the beanbags in front of the fire, "but this just doesn't feel right.”

“And that's why you're in Hufflepuff.” Cassie pointed out. She was curled up on the floor at Izzy's feet, who was stroking her hair absent mindedly with one hand while she put the finishing touches to an essay with the other. It had been her clever idea to tell everyone that Cassie had a weak strain of Scrofungulus, meaning that everyone was giving them a wide birth, leaving them completely undisturbed as well as deflecting any questions about why her skin had turned a particularly fetching shade of grey.

“Well, that and the fact that the colour yellow just suits me so well.”

"That's not anything I'm supposed to be doing is it?" Cassie asked as Izzy put her finished essay in her bag.

“Not unless you've decided to switch to Astronomy. I do have work for you though." she pulled out her planner and scanned through the pages. She suddenly looked worried. "I can leave it though if you're not feeling up to it?"

“No, tell me now so I can procrastinate from doing it more effectively.”

“Right...” She still looked unsure. "Flitwick's going to test us on concealing charms on Wednesday, so you might want to practice those, and McGonagall said she'd give you extra time to prepare for the practical on turning a chair into a dog. I asked Rosa for you and she said there was a bit of reading for Ancient Runes, but it's just the next chapter in the textbook. Then..." She trailed off.

“Then what?” asked Cassie, looking up from the scrap of parchment where she'd been noting this all down. She noticed a long meaningful look passing between Amy and Izzy. “What?”

“Well, with Professor Lupin being ill, Professor Snape took our lesson on Friday.” Izzy started reluctantly.

“You poor things.”

Izzy chewed her lip and didn't seem to know how to go on.

“He decided to go completely off what he was supposed to be teaching, it was ridiculous, but I talked to Lavender Brown in third year and apparently apparently gave out the same essay to their class.”

“You're acting like he's set us to write some Death Eater propaganda or something. What's wrong?”

There was another few moments of awkward silence before Amy said "Go on. Tell her."

"I can't." whined Izzy.

"Fine." Amy spat. Cassie looked around at her with surprise.

"What is it?" she asked.

“He wants us to write three rolls on how to kill a werewolf.”

Cassie sat bolt upright.

“He what?”

“I didn't know how to tell you.” Izzy said desperately. "And we wanted to kick up a fuss, but we couldn't do it without drawing attention to you."

"You wanted to kick up a fuss. I wanted to beat his head in with that bloody textbook." muttered Amy.

"He wouldn't have listened anyway, it's Snape, so we were trying to decide whether to go to Sprout or to take it straight to Dumbledore."

“Why would he do this? He's the one that makes the Wolfsbane for us!”

“Cass, shhh, someone'll hear!” Izzy hissed, glancing around.

Cassie ignored her. “Why would he even set that? He knows I'm supposed to be in that class, and he knows that Lupin's going to have to mark those! Merlin's beard...Lupin's going to come back from the full moon to a pile of those on his desk. I...what the fuck?!”

“We'll go straight to Dumbledore, right now.”

“Fuck that. Does Lupin know about this?”

“I don't know. I shouldn't think so.”

“Right.” Cassie untangled herself from the blanket and stood up unsteadily.

“Cassie, wait, we need to think this through."

“No, we don't." Amy said, standing up too. "She's right. Lupin needs to know what a piece of shit he's working with.”

Izzy looked at her. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. He won't get away with this; I won't let him."

Izzy groaned. “Fine. But you should at least get dressed-”

But Cassie was already halfway out of the portrait hole. Amy gave her a pointed look and jogged to catch up with her, leaving Izzy to make a frustrated sound and grab a cardigan to wrap around Cassie before following them.

Cassie's anger fuelled her determination and she managed to climb the stairs to the third floor without any assistance from her friends, although Amy was hovering closely behind her to catch her just in case. She hammered on the door to Lupin's office, her face flushed and her jaw set. It took a while for him to answer, looking drawn and tired with a dressing gown thrown hurriedly over his pyjamas, which were navy blue and slightly too short at the ankle.

“Cassie.” he said, seeming very surprised. “What are you doing here? You should be in bed-”

“Professor Snape set an essay on how to kill werewolves.”

He blinked at her.

“I think you'd better come in."

He stood aside to let them into his office. Cassie barely waited for him to shut the door before launching into her tirade.

"How dare he! It's disgusting! I swear, next time me I see him I'm going to-"

Lupin held up a silencing hand.

"Before any threats are made that you might regret, I'm going to make tea. I feel like I'm going to need it to get me through this conversation. May I interest any of you in a cup?"

Any and Izzy both nodded and Cassie just huffed impatiently.

"Excellent. Have a seat." He began preparing the tea and laying out cups. 

Any took Cassie's arm. "I think that applies to you Cass. Can't have you passing out on us from the sheer power of your righteous anger." She led Cassie to a chair and helped her into it. Lupin watched this with hidden smile as he brought the tea back to his desk and took his own seat.

“Now," he said "you said something about an essay.”

"Professor Snape covered your lesson yesterday while you were ill." explained Izzy. "The lesson was on...on werewolves. And then he set us an essay about methods of..."

"Of killing us." Cassie picked up where Izzy had trailed off, glowering.

“I see.”

Amy frowned. “'I see'? Is that it?"

Lupin rubbed the bridge of his nose. "If I'm honest, what I really want to say wouldn't be professional in front of students."

"If it's directed at Snape I think I could cope." said Amy enthusiastically.

"Look, I don't know why, but he's trying to out you to the whole school."

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Cassie. This is merely Severus' idea of a joke, but it's one that is awfully unfair on you."

"A joke? You could lose your job!"

"I don't believe he would take it that far. I just imagine he would find the thought of me marking those essays most amusing.”

“How can he find this funny?" asked Izzy, horrified.

“I have never claimed to understand Severus' particular brand of humour, or even to find it particularly amusing.”

“But he's making our Wolfsbane!" exclaimed Cassie. "Shouldn't we be concerned if he hates us?”

“He would never do anything that would put you in danger, don't worry. Severus will always do his job to the best of his ability; it's a matter of pride for him. But if he can knock me down a peg or two I'm sure he would love it."

“What happened to make him hate you so much?” Amy asked.

“Amy!” said Izzy sharply. “You can't ask that!”

“I'm afraid that Miss Harding is right; it would hardly be very professional of me to speak badly about a colleague in front of students.” He smiled. “I will say that it was merely a prank that went too far when we were at school here, nothing more exciting than that.”

“You spent your school days pulling pranks?” Amy said sounding impressed. “I have a newfound respect for you Professor.”

“Why thank you Amy. I appreciate it.”

“I feel like we're getting slightly off topic here.” snapped Cassie. “I won't write that essay.”

“I'm not going to make you.”

“And you're not going to mark them. You don't seem to care, but I'll go to Dumbledore, I will.”

“That's not necessary."

"It is, and if you won't let her go then I will." countered Amy with surprising determination. "She may be weak and feeble, but I can run pretty fast."

“I won't mark them.” Lupin's tone was calming. “Pass on the message to the class that you don't have to write them. Severus was teaching off the curriculum anyway, so it's hardly fair of him to be setting assignments.”

He noticed that Cassie was still fuming and about to say something, so he interrupted her gently.

“And I'll have a word with Severus about his choice of teaching material. I don't want you saying anything to him. He'll only use it as an excuse to put you in detention and cancel your Wolfsbane lessons, and I don't want you to risk those.”

Cassie looked like she didn't particularly care about her Wolfsbane lessons, but she decided to remain quiet. She stood staring at the floor, looking miserable and pale.

“I just don't understand why he would do that...” she whispered.

Lupin made as if to hug her, realised that that would be inappropriate and settled for a comforting hand on her shoulder. He silently appealed to Izzy, who wrapped her arms around Cassie's shoulders and pulled her into a hug. With all her adrenaline gone, Cassie slumped into the embrace.

“I think you need to go back to bed.” she said softly, then looked at Lupin. “I think you do as well Professor.”

He laughed. “I see what you mean about giving Poppy a run for her money.” he said to Cassie. “I imagine she's invaluable.”

“Yeah, she's a keeper.” replied Cassie weakly, her voice muffled in Izzy's shoulder.

“Seriously now, go to sleep. I'll have a word with Severus next time I see him.”

“He actually set it for all of your Friday classes.” Amy said.

Remus sighed, and for the first time that afternoon a flash of annoyance appeared from behind his calm façade. “I see. I'll let them all know. If you'll just wait one moment...”

He disappeared behind the screen that marked out his living quarters and returned with a thick chequered woollen blanket.

“Here you go, take this and keep yourself warm.” he said, wrapping around her shoulders. He looked her seriously in the eye and lowered his voice. “I wish I could say that this is a rare exception, but I'm afraid the only words of comfort I can give you is that it gets easier to hear it.”

Amy slung Cassie's arm over her shoulder and helped her out of the office. As the door shut behind her she looked at her best friend, shivering in her pyjamas in the hallway with tears in her eyes, and announced bitterly “Well, that is thoroughly shit.”

"It's sorted now." said Izzy.

"I've half a mind to go to Dumbledore anyway. And you're not going to your Thursday lessons any more either, whatever Lupin says. I won't let you."

Cassie managed to summon half a smile. "It'll be fine, Lupin will sort it. But thank you. Really, really, thank you."

"Don't thank me." Amy tightened her grip around Cassie's shoulders as she continued awkwardly: "I haven't been the best friend recently. You forgave me far too quickly - shut up, you did - and I guess it just took something like this to make me realise that I don't like people treating you like that. You deserve better. From me too."

Cassie stared at Amy, a look of pure joy on her face.

"I love you, you idiot." she whispered.

"I love you too. Now come on, this is far too many emotions for one evening. To bed with you."

Izzy, barely supressing her delight at how events had turned out, slipped Cassie's other arm over her shoulder and, ever so slowly and carefully, the three of them began making their way back to the Common Room.


	14. Merry Christmas, Remus Lupin

Cassie's extra lessons with Snape became increasingly more tense after the cover lesson incident. She kept her eyes firmly on the task at hand – the month of December brought the delights of bubotubor pus and the proper method of folding it into the potion  – and only spoke when he asked her a direct question. This suited Snape, who had become increasingly impatient with her in recent times, causing her to wonder if her name had been mentioned surrounding the essay debacle. He had become far more nitpicky with her work and insisted that she repeat the same experiments between ten and twenty times.

“There is no room for stupid mistakes in this potion.” he would snap every time she showed even a flicker of irritation at his orders to distil the puss for a fourth time that evening. She kept herself sane by rolling her eyes and pulling faces at him when he turned his back, which she knew was childish and almost got her caught on multiple occasions, but she concluded that it was definitely worth it.

The Christmas holidays couldn't have come at a better time for Cassie. While the full moon had been markedly better than October's they had been forced to coop themselves up for the whole night instead of returning to the Shrieking Shack as they had originally planned.

"I'm sorry." Lupin had apologised when he explained the change in plans. "But with things the way they are after Hallowe'en, I can't justify putting ourselves at risk out there."

She couldn't help being disappointed, but she had understood.

"I get it. He knows where it is, doesn't he?"

His silence had confirmed her suspicions, and she left the next question unasked: what would happen if Black came looking for his old friend?

After the first few months of total freedom she found being locked in a room left her restless and agitated. Izzy told her off several times for jiggling her leg or tapping absent-mindedly on the desk and she ate what must have been twice her body weight in sugar over the next week.

It hadn't been all bad however; Lupin had managed to convince Madam Pomfrey that his office would be warmer and more comfortable than a cold empty classroom, and so the hours before the full moon were spent raiding his chocolate stash, there was a warm fire for them to curl up in front of and sleep the night away, and Cassie awoke the next morning to a steaming cup of tea. Her neck had been very stiff afterwards from sleeping on the hard wooden floor, however, and as she had stretched out she had joked about how dogs had the right idea with dog beds.

The approaching NEWTs meant that the normal Christmas ease-off was non-existent for the seventh years and their workload actually seemed to increase in the last few weeks of term.

"Look at them." muttered Amy as she watched some first years having a snowball fight out of the library window. She was supposed to be writing a Herbology essay, but hadn't got much further than her name and the title. "I hate them."

"You can see why the seventh years were always so mean to us." Cassie said, looking up from her Ancient Runes essay at the sound of shrill laughter from outside. "We just didn't get it back then."

"Yeah, well, it'll be their turn soon. See how they like spending their weekends in the library."

"Ah yes, revenge is a dish best served in seven years time when we're not here to see it."

Izzy sighed and put down her quill.

"I'm done." she announced. "If I have to write one more word on goblin-human relations in the fifteenth century I think I may actually kill someone."

"As long as it's a first year, I'm game." Amy said brightly.

"I'm thinking the kitchens, the three of us and as many brownies as we can carry out of there."

Amy and Cassie exchanged a look.

"The question is" Cassie asked thoughtfully "are we allowed to make a sling to help us carry more?"

"Honestly, as long as there's chocolate you can melt it down and roll around in it naked for all I care." Izzy replied, throwing her things into her bag.

“I think we'll just stick to eating it. But good to know!”

This was the pattern for most of the seventh years in the weeks leading up to Christmas. The teachers, acknowledging that it was their last ever Christmas at Hogwarts, didn't really care what they did as long as they did their work, so the last days of term were filled with visits to the kitchen - much to the delight of the House Elves - and teaching the suits of armour rude carols.

When the holidays started and the time came for the students to leave, Cassie couldn't quite bring herself to be sad. Sure, she was going to miss her friends, but as she stood on the platform of Hogsmeade station and waved them off she couldn't help but remember last year, when her parents had been taking bets on which muggleborn student would be petrified by the monster in the Chamber of Secrets next. Even a Christmas alone dealing with the symptoms of the impending full moon was going to be better than that.

****

She woke up early on Christmas morning and dashed instantly to throw open the window, looked out at the fresh layer of powdery snow that had fallen overnight and was glittering prettily in the bright Winter sunlight and promptly threw up over it. She stumbled back to her bed, wiping her mouth, and fell back into her sheets where she fell asleep again.

It was lunchtime before she woke again. Just the thought of turkey made her feel queasy, so she settled on a quiet Christmas alone. Propping herself up against her pillows, she began unwrapping her presents. She noticed that the pile the House Elves had left at the end of her bed was looking a little small this year, and a quick scan through the labels revealed why: there wasn't a single present from any member of her family. While she wasn't exactly distraught at this – presents from her family were always ridiculously expensive and nothing any sane human would ever want or use – there was still a lump in her throat as she began opening the gifts from people who actually cared about her.

Izzy had given her a couple of books, including a copy of _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_ , which Cassie's parents had always denounced as 'common' and refused to let her read as a child. She smiled as she unwrapped it, touched that Izzy had remembered; she had mentioned never having read it in an offhand comment back in April.

Amy's present turned out to be the largest box of chocolates that Cassie had ever seen. It was about the same width as her trunk and looked rather expensive. Cassie got the feeling that she was still feeling guilty about their argument and was trying to make up for it, and even though Cassie had insisted repeatedly that there wasn't any need to, she wasn't going to complain when she was getting an absolutely enormous amount of chocolate out of it.

As she reached for her next present – a soft cable-knit jumper from the other girls in the dormitory – and something small fell out of the paper Amy's gift had been in. She picked it up from the floor and looked at it, her face completely without emotion. In her hand she held a small bone shaped dog biscuit.

After a few seconds, Cassie began to laugh.

****

She dozed off again while reading, and was woken up at four o'clock by a persistent tapping at the window. Dragging herself sleepily out of bed she found one of the school tawny owls outside being buffeted by the heavy snow fall that had started while she was asleep. She opened the window for it and it hopped inside gratefully, shaking itself off and spraying snow all over the floor. There was a folded note tied to its leg, which it presented to her before settling on her bedside table to rearrange its feathers. Unfolding it, she read:

_Cassie,_

_I heard that you didn't make it to the feast this afternoon either, and was wondering if you would care to join me in my office for a small Christmas tea? If you weren't feeling well enough we could always rearrange for another day._

This was all written in the unruly scrawl she recognised from her marked Defence Against the Dark Arts essays. Underneath, however, there was another line, written in a slightly less certain hand.

_You shouldn't have to spend Christmas alone_.

She smiled at the note. Having not eaten all day she'd been beginning to feel rather hungry, and had been planning a trip to the kitchens to hunt down any leftovers from the Christmas feast, but tea in front of the fire with some sympathetic company sounded much more appealing. She scribbled a quick message on the back of Lupin's note ( _Yes please, be there shortly_ ) which she passed back to the owl. It looked rather unenthusiastic about the idea of going out in the snow again, but she managed to coax it out and turn her attention to Christmas preparations.

She threw on a pair of jeans and her new jumper and made her to the kitchens. The House Elves were seeming a bit dejected after the Christmas feast, so when she asked them if they had any Christmas cake left over, and possibly some mince pies or something if it wasn't too much trouble, she was provided with a paper bag stuffed with not only mince pies and iced fruit cake but chocolate brownies, little bite sized flapjacks and a whole selection of tarts covered with various different flavours of jam, as well as another full of little triangle sandwiches of various sorts. Lupin looked a little stunned when she turned up at his office half an hour later clutching the bursting bags.

“I stopped off at the kitchens.” she explained as he invited her in.

“And came back with half the contents, I see.” he said, hurriedly taking one of the bags from her to stop it from tearing.

“The House Elves were having so much fun. It seemed cruel to stop them.”

He laughed and led her to the chairs by the fire where he'd laid out the tea things on the low table. The teapot was already full and covered with a naff knitted tea cosy.

“Would you like a cup?” he asked, pulling a teacup closer to him.

“Absolutely.”

She found a plate and laid out a few pieces from the bag, taking a slice of Christmas cake for herself.

“So, did you get anything particularly nice for Christmas this year?” asked Lupin, picking out a bite-sized chocolate brownie.

“Amy gave me a dog biscuit and I've not even had so much as a Christmas card from my parents, so all in all it's been a frankly stellar year.”

He missed her sincerity and looked genuinely upset. “Oh, that's...I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. It means that Amy's finally getting her sense of humour back which is the best Christmas present I could possibly ask for. And my parents are still leaving me in peace, which was probably second on my Christmas list. Besides, no present might actually be an improvement on previous years.”

Lupin still didn't look convinced, so she elaborated.

“I think it was in second year they gave me a snow globe.”

“There's nothing fundamentally wrong with a snow globe...” he pointed out.

“You'd think. But this snow globe was an incredibly detailed miniature of Inverness Castle. The detail on this thing was absolutely insane. It was enchanted so that the windows lit up at night, and the weather changed to mirror the real weather. This thing must have cost them a fortune.”

“I'm still not entirely following.”

“I've never been to Inverness. They went once when I was nine – without me, I should point out – and said they hated it.”

“I'm beginning to see the problem here.”

“And there was this little plaque on the front that you could engrave with a personal message. Guess what they wrote?”

“Nothing good, based on how this story has gone so far.”

“Try nothing at all.”

Lupin's eyes widened slightly. “I see.”

“Quite.”

“So let me get this straight.” he said, pouring himself more tea. “Your parents bought you a kitschy souvenir from a place you've never been and didn't bother to personalise it in any way because...why?”

Cassie shrugged. “It looked expensive. That's all that matters to them.”

Lupin paused, trying to think of something comforting or profound to say, but all he could come up with was “Do you still have it? You could probably sell it.”

She laughed. “I can't. I threw it out the window.”

“I have to say I don't really blame you.” he replied, trying hard not to laugh too.

“Selling it would have been a good idea actually, financially. But my response was so much more satisfying.”

She took another piece of cake.

“We always seem to end up talking about what awful people my parents are. Am I allowed to ask about you?”

“What do you want to know?”

She considered for a moment. “I'd like to know what you were like at school.”

“Well...” he said thoughtfully. “When I was in third year, I cast a levitation charm on the second floor corridor and Professor Flitwick got stuck on the ceiling for three hours until Severus told McGonagall what we had done.”

Cassie clapped a hand to her mouth. “Seriously?”

“Oh yes.” said Lupin pleasantly. “He didn't seem to mind. Congratulated me on my technique, in fact.”

“Dare I ask why?”

“James wanted to see if we could levitate a first year, and Flitwick wandered into the line of fire. I wouldn't have had anything to do with it, but I was the best at levitation charms and Sirius sat on me until I agreed to help.”

He trailed off and Cassie hurriedly changed the subject before he could grow melancholy.

“I can't imagine a young Snape. In my head he's exactly the same as he is now, just...smaller.”

“That's not too far off actually.” laughed Lupin. “He hadn't quite perfected his scowl yet though. That came later.”

“Well now, that's an image that will stay with me forever.” Cassie mused. “Tiny Snape.”

“I should really be telling you off for not calling him Professor.”

“Oh no. By the time you get to seventh year you kind of give up on all that decorum. Oliver Wrexham got a detention the other day for referring to McGonagall as 'Minnie' in front of the whole class.”

Lupin looked impressed.

“We wouldn't have dared.” he said, then paused. “Not to her face, at least.”

“Still, sticking a teacher to the ceiling. That's Weasley-twin level shenanigans.”

He scoffed.

“Fred and George learned everything from us.” A slight look of panic appeared in his eyes. “Please don't tell anyone that.”

Cassie laughed. “Don't worry. The secrets of your pranking days are safe with me Professor.”

“Call me Remus.” he said.

“Remus?”

“I know your name. It only seems fair if we're spending this much time together.”

She tried to resist the urge to grin broadly.

“Okay.”

“Only out-of-hours, of course.”

“Naturally.”

He coughed uncomfortably, unsure where to lead the conversation after that. Eventually he grabbed the teapot and went to make more tea.

“Remus.” Cassie murmured, watching his back.

She closed her eyes and sank back into the puffy armchair, feeling the warmth of the fire washing over her and enjoying the gentle bubbling of the kettle boiling and Lupin – Remus – humming as he made the tea.

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Mmmm.” she said, her eyes still closed. “Very much so. Just drowsy.”

She heard him hesitate, then open a cupboard.

“I wouldn't normally suggest this, but it is Christmas, and it might perk you up enough to get you back to your dormitory.”

Cassie opened one eye to see him returning to the table with the filled teapot and a bottle.

“That sounds vaguely suspicious.”

“I believe the correct question is 'fancy a nightcap'?” he asked.

She sat up and examined the bottle.

“Firewhiskey? Are you proposing the consumption of alcohol on school grounds?” she asked with mock outrage.

“Come now,” he chided gently “if you're anything like we were at school this wouldn't be the first time.”

“No comment.”

“I'll take that as a yes then.”

“It'll be the first time under a teacher's supervision.” she pointed out.

He poured the tea and then picked up the bottle. “Do I take it you'd like some?”

“Please.”

“I really can't believe your parents didn't get you a Christmas present.” he said, unscrewing the lid and adding some whiskey to both of the cups.

“I can. They withheld all of my birthday presents when I was five because I maliciously stood on my mother's foot by accident.”

“Has it been a good Christmas though?” he asked, passing over her cup.

“The best.”

He smiled fondly and raised his tea in toast.

“Merry Christmas Cassie.”

“Merry Christmas Remus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally written as a Christmas special, but then I spilt tea on my laptop and it all went to shit. So my very-belated Christmas present to you guys is that one "call me Remus" scene that happens in every fic ever and I just couldn't resist doing too. Merry Christmas!
> 
> Fun fact: I had an idea for this while at work when I didn't have any paper, so I wrote it on various parts of my body. There's a particular bit of dialogue that ended up on my right thigh...


	15. Black in the Castle

The new term brought with it an increase in workload that saw all of the seventh years take up residence in the library, groaning under the enormous weight of essays and extra reading. Cassie, Amy and Izzy had established ownership of one particular table tucked away behind the bookcases. It was perfectly situated; it was in a section which held no interest to annoying first years, and it was hidden away from Madam Pince's piercing glare, allowing them to sneak snacks past her in their bags to make the hours they spent there more bearable. This worked for the first few weeks, but midway through January they were deeply engrossed in their work and didn't hear the footsteps approaching.

“Eating in the library, Miss Fawley?”

Cassie looked up from her essay a Cauldron Cake halfway to her mouth. Next to her Amy jumped into action and tried to shove a packet of Pepper Imps into her bag. It split and they scattered across the table.

Remus chuckled in a slightly embarrassed manner as he approached their table.

“I'm sorry.” he said sincerely. “That wasn't very nice of me.”

“You're damn right about that.” grumbled Amy, trying to retrieve the sweets from the other side of the desk.

“I come bearing a peace offering, if that helps?” He pulled several bars of Honeyduke's chocolate from the pocket of his robes. Izzy and May looked at each other, confused, but

Cassie just laughed.

“You enable me far too much, you know? If I get fat I'm blaming you and your damn chocolate habit.

“If you can't have chocolate then what is the point?” He handed over the bars. “I was in Hogsmeade and thought you could use it. It's not long until the next one.”

“Trust me, we know.” said Izzy, rolling her eyes. “She hasn't slept in about four days. I'm just waiting for her to crash any second now.”

Remus smiled at her. “You're learning the patterns already.”

“Yeah, that's because when Cass doesn't sleep none of us do. She's a compulsive tidier, which is just great at three in the morning.” Amy complained, punching Cassie fondly in the arm.

“The dorm is messy! What am I supposed to do?”

“I don't know, sleep like a normal person?”

“I'll leave you to it then.” chuckled Remus.

“Oh, Professor, while you're here.” Izzy said. “I do have a question about the essay. Can I come and talk it through with you when you've got time?”

“Well, I do have a free period now. What seems to be the problem?”

Izzy spread out her rolls of parchment out I front of her.

“I understand the theory, but I'm struggling with how to explain it as a concept.” she explained. “Non-verbal magic is non-verbal magic, surely? How do you describe that?”

Lupin came to stand behind her and read over her shoulder.

“What you've written so far looks good.” he said. “That's a very thorough explanation of the construct. Well done.”

“I've written words, but I just don't feel like I've understood it properly.”

“We'll get there.” he said comfortingly. “May I sit?”

“Yes please.” Amy said, pulling out her own essay. “I'm even more confused than she is.”

Remus took the empty seat between them and pulled Izzy's open textbook towards him.

“I'll start from the beginning, and you stop me if you have any questions about anything, okay?”

Cassie smiled as he quietly began to explain the theory again. She was very fond of the way he spoke when he was explaining things, calm and methodical and never patronising. She ducked her head lower over her own Ancient Runes essay, hiding behind her blonde hair.

“Cassie, are you listening?” asked Izzy.

“Oh, I've already done mine.”

“Don't you want it checked over though?”

“He's checked it already.” she said, smiling at Remus who nodded.

“Seriously? When did you do it?”

“Back when Re-Professor Lupin first set it.”

Amy scoffed. “Bit eager aren't we?”

“I've got to do something while I'm waiting around for the full moon,” said Cassie with a shrug “and if I've got the professor there to check it over...”

“So that's what you do to keep yourselves occupied in the evenings.”

Remus coughed and turned a bright shade of scarlet.

“Amy!” cried Izzy.

“What? I was just thinking Wizard's Chess, or Gobstones or something.”

“Shall we return to the question at hand, ladies?” Remus asked, a little too loudly.

“I think we shall.” replied Cassie through gritted teeth as Amy beamed innocently across the table at her.

****

The castle was buzzing after the Ravenclaw vs. Gryffindor Quidditch match, and the whole of Cassie's dormitory had stayed up late to discuss it.

“I always said that Malfoy kid was a little shit.” announced Amy to the room at large.

“Hear hear.” Cassie agreed. She leant back into her pillows, feeling as wide awake as only the full moon could make her.

The January transformation had been and gone without much event, except the silent acknowledgement that the dog beds were now a permanent fixture, and now it was time for the next one. It was strange, and a little unnerving if she thought too hard about it, how quickly she had learned to accept that once a month she shut herself away and turned into a hulking hairy beast. She didn't think it was ever something she would ever be exactly comfortable with, but it was becoming just as much an inconvenient fact of life as the other thing that happened once a month.

“I never thought he'd go that far though.” said Rosa. She was sat cross-legged on her bed plaiting her hair. She wrinkled her freckled nose in disgust. “Pretending to be a Dementor when those awful things are floating all around the castle. It's just plain nasty.”

“That was some Patronus Potter cast at him though, eh?”

“Forget the Patronus!” interrupted Maddy giddily. “What about that Firebolt?”

Everyone rolled their eyes at this, and Amy audibly groaned. Maddy was one of the Hufflepuff Beaters and had a place on the Holyhead Harpies training scheme when she left school. Cassie was very fond of her after seven years, but there was only so much Quidditch talk one could take and on match days she became nearly insufferable.

They fell back to chattering about the match, debating who they thought would win the final and what kind of punishment Malfoy would get for his stunt.

“Ladies!”

The girls sat up as Professor Sprout came bursting into the dormitory looking flustered. She was in a nightgown with a dressing gown half thrown hastily over, the tie trailing behind her as she hurried in.

“Ladies, I need you to assemble in the Common Room this instant. Look after the younger students, keep them calm, and wait until myself or another teacher gives the all clear.”

“What's wrong Professor?”

Sprout sighed. “You're all old enough that I can't really keep it from you, I suppose: Black's been seen in the castle again. He apparently got into the Gryffindor Tower. We're searching the whole castle. But for goodness sake _don't_ tell any of the younger students or it'll be complete chaos.”

The girls exchanged horrified looks, then sprang out of bed. Pulling on robes and dressing gowns over their pyjamas as they went, they made their way upstairs to the Common Room. The first and second years were already gathered there and chattering nervously, and the rest of Hufflepuff House trailed in shortly after Cassie, Izzy and Amy had claimed a corner from which they could observe.

The Prefects were fluttering about the room and being completely ineffectual. Cassie guessed from their nervous faces and the hushed whispers they were exchanging that they too had been told the reason for the sudden evacuation and were completely terrified. She could understand this – being told that there was a mass murderer in the same building seldom made one feel calm – but the first years were looking to the Prefects for guidance and their obvious fear was only making things worse.

“Oh for goodness sake!” snapped Izzy after a few minutes and went to comfort a group of the eleven year olds who had just burst into tears.

“Well, I'm completely stumped.” said Amy. “The Dementors have doubled in number since he got in the first time, and he still managed it. I'm starting to think that that third year who went around telling everyone Black could turn into a plant was on to something.”

“I wouldn't say that name quite so loudly in here.”

“Oh come on, even the tiny ones aren't completely stupid. They know what's going on.”

Amy was right; the main topic of whispered conversation in the room seemed to be Black.

Everyone fell silent when the portrait hole opened, but it was just Professor Sprout returning, accompanied by Madam Hooch and, to Cassie's relief, Remus. She tried to make eye contact with him, hoping that he would give her a clue as to the current situation or even just a comforting smile, but he just stared straight ahead and took his position next to Sprout.

“Thank you all for your patience.” Sprout said, clearly trying to sound calm and not quite managing it. “We're just having a slight...issue.”

“Understatement of the century.” whispered Amy darkly.

“We need to conduct a brief search of the dormitories. There's nothing to worry about, and you can all return to your beds very shortly.”

Cassie had been watching Remus throughout this speech. His gaze was still fixed blankly ahead of him and he was visibly tense. She noticed that he had his wand out and that he was holding it so tightly that his knuckles were white.

“Rolanda, with me to the girls' dorms. Remus, if you'll take the boys?”

Remus nodded tersely and made his way through the throng of students towards the stairs down to the boys dormitories. The chatter in the Common Room picked up again, and Amy turned back to Cassie.

“That was convincing.” she said sarcastically. “They've clearly got this whole situation under control.”

“Uh...yeah.” Cassie replied, distracted. “Look, I just need to go check something. I'll be back in a minute.”

“Can I come?”

“No, you stay here and...look after the small people.” She began to push her way through the crowd towards the boys dormitories.

Amy called after her. “But I hate small people!”

Cassie managed to slip down the stairs after Remus unnoticed and found him in the third years' room. He had pulled aside the yellow hangings of one of the four poster beds, but as Cassie watched he merely stood and stared at the unmade bedding.

“Remus.” she said softly.

He dropped the bed hanging and turned with a jerk, but relaxed slightly when he saw that it was only her.

“Cassie. You should be in the Common Room with the others.”

“When have I ever done what I should?” she asked with a small cheeky smile, but Remus just hummed non-committally.

“Why are you doing this?”

He frowned. “It's my job as a teacher to protect the students-”

“Forget your job. Dumbledore shouldn't be making you do this.”

“I appreciate your concern, but I'm quite capable of putting my personal feelings aside.”

“Explain why you've made your own hand bleed then.”

Remus looked down in surprise. He apparently hadn't noticed that he'd dug his nails so deep into his palm that his hand was now wet with blood.

“What I feel doesn't matter. If I don't help in the search I might be accused of protecting him, especially by people who know that we were friends.”

“Screw Snape.”

“I never said Sna-”

“It's always Snape.”

Remus gave a snort of laughter, but didn't smile.

“You really should get back up there.”

Cassie leant against one of the bed posts and folded her arms, clearly indicating that she wasn't planning on going anywhere.

“Cassie...” warned Remus.

“Just answer me this. What are you planning on doing if you're the one to find him?”

He remained silent.

“I thought so.”

“Don't, Cassie.”

“I'm sorry.” She took a step closer, wanting to do something to show that she genuinely meant it, but not sure what was appropriate for this situation.

He sighed. “You're right. Of course you're right.” He sat heavily on the edge of one of the beds. “I've had twelve years to think about it and I still have absolutely no idea what I would do if I saw him.”

Cassie came and sat on the next bed over, facing him.

“It won't come to that.” she insisted. “I don't know much about him, but I can pretty much guarantee you that he won't be hanging out in the Hufflepuff dormitories.”

Remus smiled slightly at that. They sat in silence for a long time before he spoke again.

“It feels wrong to admit it,” he said slowly “but I'm actually disappointed that he didn't come and find me?”

“Would you want him to?”

“I don't know. But we were so close...it almost hurts that he would be so close by and not try and find me.”

“I think I can understand that.”

“Really? Because even I think I'm crazy.”

“No, you're not. You loved him once.”

Remus looked up sharply.

“I...oh. _Oh_. Well, I did mean in a platonic sense, but...okay.”

“Okay?” He sounded disbelieving. “That's not exactly the reaction I was expecting.”

“It's not my place to have a reaction, is it really?”

“I'd rather you did. It might make me feel better about the whole situation.”

Cassie watched him with pity as he buried his head in his hands and wanted desperately to reach out to him. She moved to sit on the bed next to him.

“Do you remember what we said? That time back in the Shrieking Shack? You loved _Padfoot_. Whatever Black is, he's not the man you loved. You have to remember that or it'll drive you crazy.”

“As if it hasn't already.”

Cassie put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“You're not crazy. You're just human.”

He took a deep breath, then shrugged her hand off and stood.

“I'm sorry. This isn't the kind of thing I should be telling you.”

“Hey, you've had to listen to me complain enough.” she said in what she hoped was a light tone. “I figure it's probably your turn.”

He smiled softly at that. “I...thank you. I, uh, would appreciate it if this didn't reach the ears of any of your friends.”

“No need to tell me that. Teacher-student confidentiality goes both ways you know.” She pushed herself off the bed. “Well, not that this hasn't been incredibly fun, but if you're okay I'd better get back up there. I don't think this is the best time for a student to suddenly disappear really.”

“You're probably right.” said Remus. “I'm fine. Go rejoin everyone else.”

“If I were you I'd hide out in here for a while until the search is over.”

“That sounded like an order.”

“Not so much an order as a suggestion that I will be very disappointed if you don't take.” She made her way over to the stairs and peered up to make sure the coast was clear. “I'll see you in class tomorrow Professor.”

“See you in class Cassie. And thank you.”

“Happy to help. Seriously.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm doing a Half NaNo for Camp NaNoWriMo this month (that's 25,000 words this April), and I'm splitting that between this and another project. That should mean more updates soon! 
> 
> This chapter ended up taking longer than intended, because what started out as a filler chapter suddenly became an emotional rollercoaster. Apparently I enjoy emotionally torturing my characters, despite the whole purpose of this story to be to give Remus a bit of happiness.


	16. Werewolf Hormones

Cassie could tell that February's full moon was going to be a bad one when she started crying into her rice pudding at dinner. Her nerves were stretched to breaking point and she knew that she must be a nightmare to be around. She had snapped at Rosa for being too chirpy in the morning, and had inadvertently burned a hole in her desk when she was irritated at Izzy for 'writing too loudly' in Charms. She still wasn't sleeping and found that she couldn't pay attention in her lessons.

“I feel like I'm going to burst.” she cried as she paced back and forth across Remus' office. Snape was late with their first potion of the month and she was growing impatient.

“What?” Remus looked up. He was sat at his desk closely examining a piece of slightly scruffy looking parchment. Only the constant jiggle of his leg under the desk revealed his own pent up energy that was threatening to overflow.

“It'll only take one more thing and I will actually explode. I keep getting this overwhelming urge to hit things.”

“Pillows are often good for that, I find.”

“Are you okay?” asked Cassie. He seemed more distracted than even the full moon would have made him, and she thought she knew the reason why.

“Hmm? Oh, yes.”

She raised an unconvinced eyebrow. “So how did hiding out in the dormitories go for you then?”

He stiffened so slightly that Cassie only noticed it because she was watching him so carefully.

“It wasn't exactly my idea of fun, twiddling my thumbs for half an hour until I could reasonably rejoin the others, but Pomona didn't suspect I'd been doing anything other than diligently searching, so it was all worth it in the end I suppose.”

“And...?”

“And no-one else found anything, so the search was called off.”

“Hmmm.”

He wasn't being as forthcoming as she would have liked, but she didn't want to appear pushy about what was clearly a sensitive subject, so instead she waited silently for him to surrender the information himself. When he didn't volunteer anything further she sighed obviously and resumed her pacing.

“It is my personal business, Cassie, not yours.” he said sharply, glancing up from the parchment.

Cassie was tempted to make a comment about 'personal business' meaning something different in their relationship, but she bit her tongue. Remus seemed instantly repentant for snapping at her and set down the parchment.

“I do appreciate your concern though. Really, I do.”

“Good. I was feeling under appreciated.”

“Damn it Cassie, I was trying to be serious.” he groaned.

She shot him a wicked grin. “You should know by now that that's futile.”

He was about to retort when Snape came sweeping in with their potion, so he contented himself with rolling his eyes at her behind the Potion Master's back.

“I would appreciate it if you could return these goblets to me later.” said Snape, setting them down on the desk. “Believe it or not I do have better things to do than wait around for you to have your little tea party.”

“We do so appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule for us.” Cassie said sarcastically before she could stop herself.

Snape turned to her, his eyebrow raised. “Excuse me?”

“Well, it's hardly like we enjoy this any more than you do.” she pointed out, then added a terse “Sir.” for good measure. It only seemed to make things worse.

“Detention, Miss Fawley.”

“Severus, be reasonable.” said Remus.

“I am being reasonable.” Snape replied. “I could have given her detention for a month.”

“That's hardly fair, particularly when she was merely telling the truth.”

“My my, the werewolves are touchy this month.”

His smug tone of voice made Cassie clench her fists.

“Unsurprisingly, yes we are.” Remus said. Cassie was surprised at how calm he seemed when even Snape's face at that moment made her want to curse something. “Which is why you should be more lenient. Cassie is under a lot of pressure at the moment. I feel we can make an exception if she loses her composure temporarily, given the context of her situation.”

“I fail to see any _context_. All I see is a student who doesn't know how to speak respectfully to a member of staff. I blame this informal relationship the two of you seem to have formed; entirely inappropriate,” - he hovered over this word, savouring the unspoken connotations - “and can only encourage further misdemeanours.”

“She was a little sarcastic, Severus. It's hardly what I'd call a major transgression.”

“It is something I would punish other students for, and indeed have in the past. Miss Fawley doesn't get free pass simply because of her condition.”

“I never asked for a free pass, merely leniency.”

“There is a fine line between leniency and encouraging misbehaviour. We must set an example. One can only imagine what an combination of the wrong influences and too much _leniency_ would allow Miss Fawley to do.”

A long pointed stare passed between the two men. Cassie looked between them, not entirely convinced that they were still having the same argument or even if they were aware that she was there. She noticed that while Remus was holding Snape's gaze levelly his jaw was visibly clenched.

“Detention, Cassie.” he said eventually.

Snape smirked and Cassie had to fight to hold her tongue. She waited until he had swept from the room before letting out a long frustrated grunt.

“How is he _allowed_?”

“I'm sorry.” Remus slumped in his chair and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “That was unprofessional.”

“It was definitely something.”

“Severus and I have our...issues.”

Cassie mouthed 'issues' as she took her goblet of potion. She took a large mouthful and pulled a face at the bitter taste.

“I would appreciate it if you didn't mention that to anyone.” he continued. “It's hardly a secret that he and I aren't exactly on the friendliest of terms, but I try to be professional.”

“Professional? I heard about that third year kid's boggart.”

Remus hesitated. “I said that I tried, not that I always succeeded.” He couldn't help but crack a smile at the memory. “I really do wish you'd seen it though. It was really quite something.”

“Mmm.” Cassie sipped at her potion, silently fuming.

“What's wrong?”

“I don't really appreciate you using me as an excuse to have your little bitch off.”

He frowned. “I'm sorry?”

“I'm just saying, next time you two want to have a slap fight don't try and use me to legitimise it.”

“That's not entirely fair, Cassie.” he said, sounding irritated. “I was trying to stand up for you.”

“For the first thirty seconds maybe. After that it was like watching two teenage boys having a pissing contest.”

For a moment Remus looked genuinely angry, but with a heavy sigh he seemed to reconsider.

“You may have a point.”

Cassie raised her eyebrows and took another mouthful of potion.

“There's no need to look at me like that. I acknowledged that I went too far. Can we just leave it at that?”

“I'm just surprised you have that much beef with anyone. You never seemed the type to bear grudges.”

“It's...complicated. There's a lot of history there. And no, I won't tell you what.” he said firmly, pre-empting her next question. “That's between myself and Severus.”

“You seem to have a lot of 'history'.”

“That's _enough_ , Cassie.”

They finished their potions in terse silence. Cassie began to feel guilty for pushing him so far, but was still too irritated with him to apologise. More than anything though, she was tired. A week of barely sleeping and constant movement had finally caught up with her, and all she wanted was to curl up under the covers. She felt her eyelids begin to droop.

“I think,” Remus said in a tone more gentle than she had expected “you need to go to sleep.”

“I think you're right.” she murmured, her head nodding. “'M gonna go to bed now.”

“I'll walk you up.”

“Nah, it's fine.” Cassie got to her feet and stumbled. “Damn. That happened quickly.”

“I'm walking you up.” he said, taking her goblet from her.

“'M'kay.”

Cassie waited for him to rinse out the goblets, but her legs were beginning to shake under her weight. She tried to nonchalantly lean against Remus' desk to try and disguise the fact that she couldn't stand any longer. Remus wasn't fooled, however. He took one look at her and offered his shoulder to lean on.

“May I?”

“You don't have to.”

“Yes I do. You don't have to be proud around me, remember? I know what it's like to not be able to even stand any more.”

She relented and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Initially she tried to put as little weight on him as possible, but the stairs took the little energy she had left and by the time they reached the Hufflepuff dormitory he had his arm tightly around her waist and was half-carrying her.

“I want you to go straight to bed, understand?”

“Yes Professor.” she mumbled, staggering through the portrait hole. She managed to make it to the dormitory where Izzy and Amy were sat on their beds working on an essay together.

“Are you okay?” asked Izzy as she shuffled in.

“Crashing.” was all she managed to get out before she collapsed fully clothed onto her bed and was dead to the world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters on consecutive days? I spoil you. Really though it's because I have lots of important things I'm supposed to be doing at the moment, so I've decided to dedicate all of my time to becoming Remus Lupin trash instead. 
> 
> This was actually supposed to be a couple of paragraphs at the start of what will now be the next chapter, but I got carried away. Whoops.


	17. Tensions

The crash, now it had finally happened, was a heavy one, and Cassie slept solidly through morning lessons. She didn’t wake up until midday when her body suddenly kicked into overdrive again and began demanding to be fed anything and everything that she could find. This was what was the most exhausting about lycanthropy, she thought as she sprang out of bed and pulled on the first clothes she could pull out of her trunk; she was giving herself whiplash with her constant shifts in energy and mood.

she sprinted up the dungeon steps to the Great Hall and threw herself down in a seat between Amy and Rosa, who was chatting away to her sister in fifth year.

“Hey.”

“Merlin's beard, you look awful.” Amy declared.

“Gee, thanks.” she said, ladling mashed potatoes onto her plate.

“Seriously Cass.” said Rosa, a little more sensitively. “I think your bags have bags.”

“I’m fine, really. Just hungry.”

“You don’t say.” Rosa looked at the small mountain of food that was forming on her plate. “I’m not convinced you should be up. You’ve not been well at all recently. Is everything okay?”

Thankfully at that point Izzy arrived, saving Amy from having to come up with some excuse for Cassie’s terrible immune system.

“Don’t worry Rosa,” said Amy, trying to hide her relief “we’ve got our best man on the case.”

Rosa looked concerned, but turned back to her sister.

Izzy slid onto the bench opposite Cassie and tutted at the sight of her, wild-haired and shovelling pulled pork into her mouth.

“You should be in the Hospital Wing.” she said quietly.

Cassie shook her head vehemently.

“No way. I’m up.”

“That’s the problem Cass.” Amy pointed out.

“No, I mean up as in _way_ up, can’t stay still, feel like an erupting volcano up.”

“You were _way_ down last night.”

Cassie shrugged. “I just needed a nap.”

“Less a nap and more a hibernation. I practically sat on you this morning and you wouldn't wake up.”

“I tried to stop her.” said Izzy sympathetically. “She wanted to draw on your face.”

“I'm so lucky to have such wonderful friends.” Cassie said dryly.

“You can’t go to lessons Cass, even if you are ‘up’, or whatever.”

“Why not?”

Amy mimicked a steep broom dive with her hand, whistling until she hit the table with an over the top explosion sound effect.

“It’s only a matter of time.” Izzy said gently.

“I mean, you could go to Potions. I’d pay to see how Snape would react when you fall asleep face first in Wrakspurt guts.”

Cassie relented. “Fine. Just don’t expect me to go back to bed or I might actually go insane. You’ll come back to find me draped in the bedclothes insisting you call me Patsy.”

“Alright Patsy.”

“Amy,” asked Izzy “do you have time to help her back to the Common Room? I’d do it myself, but I’ve got Muggle Studies on sixth and I really need to get there on time.”

“What is it this week?”

“Televisions.” Izzy beamed. She had a fascination with the Muggle way of life that did occasionally border on odd. “They’re like radios but with pictures as well, and there’s absolutely no magic involved. It’s fascinating.”

“Whatever will these people think of next? But I can’t. I’ve got Herbology in Greenhouse Three, and I need to show up _super_ early or Sprout’ll have me harvesting Bubotuber puss. There’s only so many times I can use Cass as an excuse.”

“I can go by myself, you know?” volunteered Cassie.

“No you can’t.” Izzy said sharply.

“Nuh-uh.” agreed Amy.

“I can take her.” Rosa’s sister had left for lessons and she’d turned back around to join their conversation. “I need to grab my Arithmancy textbook.”

Cassie said goodbye to her friends and trailed, slightly reluctantly, out of the Great Hall after Rosa. She was too restless to sit and do homework. The only active task she could find in the Common Room was cleaning it, and she got the impression that the House Elves were getting slightly annoyed with her doing their job for them.

Thankfully Remus was leaving the Great Hall at the same time. She managed to edge away from Rosa and caught his attention.

“Hey. Rough night?”

It was a silly question; if she looked half as bad as he did, she wasn’t surprised her friends wanted to frogmarch her to the Hospital Wing. He’d obviously crashed out as soon as they’d parted ways at the Hufflepuff Common Room, but now he had the same slightly wild look in his eyes that told her that he was just as agitated and jittery as she was.

“There have been worse ones.” He paused. “Not many, but some.”

“I feel like this is worse than the exhaustion. At least then I don’t want to peel my own skin off.”

“Are you going to lessons today?”

“I’ve been ordered not to in case of catastrophe. I don’t think they trust me not to fall asleep halfway up a staircase.”

“That’s probably sensible.”

“What about you? No offense, but you look terrible.”

Remus shook his head. “Unfortunately I have a double period with thirty eager first years who are learning the Jelly Legs Jinx this afternoon and need me to make sure no-one breaks any bones.”

“I remember that lesson.” said Cassie wistfully. “Make sure you use a Cushioning Charm on the desk corners; Millie Nettleton fell and cracked her head open. She’s still got a scar.”

“I’ll bear that in mind.”

They strolled out into the Entrance Hall together, avoiding the swarms of students now making their way to their next lessons.

“I do have next period free.” Remus continued. “Do you fancy some tea?”

“Always.”

“Cassie!” Rosa pushed her way through the crowd towards them. “I lost you. Izzy would actually have killed me if anything happened to you. Oh, hi Professor.”

“I’ll protect you from the wrath of Miss Harding, don’t you worry.” said Remus with a wry smile.

“Did you need a breather? I can wait a bit. Professor Vector will understand if I just explain.”

“Actually, I was going to have tea with Professor Lupin.”

Rosa raised her eyebrows ever so slightly. Cassie had forgotten that spending free periods with teachers wasn’t exactly normal student behaviour.

“I had some questions about an essay.” she offered.

Rosa looked slightly bemused at this, showing very plainly on her face what she thought was going on; Cassie had a crush, and was taking every opportunity to spend some time with her _favourite_ teacher. Cassie tried her best to look innocent, but she could feel the colour rising in her cheeks and in a way that really didn’t help her cause.

“Okay then.” Rosa said with a knowing smile. “ _Have fun_.”

Cassie watched her leave, just knowing that this particular piece of gossip was going to be passed straight on to Maddy and then the rest of Hufflepuff.

“Very badly done, Cassie.”

She stared at Remus, surprised at his suddenly sharp tone.

“What?”

“I’ve never seen such an astounding display of unsubtlety in my life.”

“You’re starting to sound like Snape.” She frowned. “I don’t understand. What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. “We’ll discuss this in my office. We’ve already drawn enough attention to ourselves as it is.”

Cassie followed him through the crowd feeling completely bewildered. Remus seemed genuinely angry about something, an emotion she didn’t even know that he was capable of displaying. Was he really so uptight about student gossip? She trailed after him until they reached his office, where he unlocked the door and motioned her tersely inside.

“We've been careless.” he said as soon as the door swung shut.

“‘Careless’? What?”

“You know exactly what I mean. Don’t pretend you don’t know what Miss Highwood was thinking.”

“She was thinking” Cassie said, blushing at having to vocalise this to him “that I…that I have a crush on you. That’s all.”

“That’s all?” He didn’t sound happy with her explanation. “Cassie, have you not thought about how this must look from the outside?”

“What? I don’t understand Remus. You-”

“Like that!” he interrupted. “You can’t call me by my first name. Don’t you see?”

She was really confused now. “But you _told_ me to.”

“It was a sentimental moment, and it was stupid.” he said definitely. “What if you slipped up and called me that in front of someone? You’ve come close a few times.”

“But I haven’t. Please, calm down and explain what the problem is, because quite frankly I just don’t get it.”

He sighed and began pacing back and forth in front of his desk.

“I’m saying that lycanthropy would not be the first conclusion I would jump to if I knew that a student and teacher had grown so…close.”

“What Rosa thought is just stupid student gossip. I’ll be teased about it for a while and then it’ll go away.”

“Not necessarily. And it isn’t just Rosa. Even your friends who know what we are have been jumping to conclusions.”

“Is this about what Amy was saying in the library the other day?”

He nodded.

“Okay, no offense, but that’s bullshit. That was just her incredible inappropriate sense of humour; she doesn’t actually think anything’s going on. She was _joking_.”

“Jokes can turn into rumours,” he pointed out “and rumours can very easily become accusations.”

Cassie rolled her eyes. “Even if someone were to say something, _which they’re not going to_ , Dumbledore knows what’s up. He won’t let any stupid rumours get out of hand.”

“Dumbledore knowing the truth won’t stop people from thinking it.”

He stopped pacing.

“It’s not just what other people think that concerns me Cassie.” he said. “I’ve been thinking...maybe we _have_ become too close.”

“What?”

“I do understand that we're not exactly a normal case, but we must still be sensible.”

Cassie recognised that tone. It was his teaching voice, the one he used with the first years, calm and matter-of-fact. He _never_ spoke to her like that.

“Sensible?” she repeated.

“Whatever our own personal situations may be, the fact remains that I am still your teacher. We seem to have somewhat forgotten that.”

“Oh. Okay.” She took a steadying breath, trying to process what he had just said. “So this whole arrangement, which, I would point out, was your idea, has been – what? Some horrible mistake?”

“I never said that-”

Rage boiled up inside her, disbelieving and furious. She struggled to keep her voice level as she interrupted him and continued.

“Weren’t _y_ _ou_ were the one who said I could come and talk to you any time I needed? Didn’t _you_ invite me for a drink in Hogsmeade, or to spend Christmas with you? Did you or did you not explicitly tell me to call you Remus? Absolutely all of this has been done on your terms. You can’t seriously be changing your mind about all of this now.”

“I'm not saying this is on you at all; I've made some serious errors in judgement-”

“Oh come _on_!” Cassie was very close to shouting now. “You can't do this to me, you can't! I've opened up to you about everything. You can't take that away from me!”

“I'm your teacher, Cassie, not your therapist.” Remus snapped.

“ _Excuse me_?”

“It's not healthy to put everything on one person, especially when you're graduating in six months and I won't be in your life any more.”

“You mean this is it? I'm – what, some pet project of yours, just something to keep you occupied for a few months, and then you'll turn me out with no-one as soon as the year's over? I thought we were actually friends, Remus.”

“It's not that I don't care about you Cassie, I do, but think about what you're asking me for! I have my own problems, in case you had failed to notice.”

“I don't believe this. I trusted you! Shit.” she breathed. “I thought you were better than this. You can't just take this all away from me – you can't!”

“Listen to me Cassie!” Remus shouted, slamming his hand on his desk. But Cassie had had enough.

“No, _you_ listen. My life has been one train wreck after another, and I finally thought I'd found someone who understood. Why can't you let me have this?”

“Because this isn't all about you!” shouted Remus.

Cassie stood her ground, glowering. “You know, the funny thing about this friendship thing we're supposed to be having is that it works both ways. _Talk_ to me!”

“I _am_ talking to you, but you're not listening to me! We can't do this. You are my _student._ ”

Cassie stepped forwards, pointing an accusing finger at him.

“ _Don't you dare._ ” she spat. “I have been through far too much this year for you to be treating me like a child.”

“Stop acting like one then!”

She dug her nails into her palms, fighting an overwhelming urge to lash out at him.

“I'm acting like a child?” she hissed. “I'm not the one running away just because I think I'm the only person who's ever lost someone.”

The remaining distance between them vanished as Remus stormed towards her, his fists clenched and the anger white hot in his eyes.

“ _How dare you_?”

“Then don't fucking patronise me!” she screamed.

She was only aware of what happened next in flashes: his hands gripping her waist tightly enough to leave angry purple bruises on her skin; her fingers tangled in his sandy hair; his lips pressed forcefully against hers as they pulled each other closer.

Then came the moment of clarity.

_Shit._

They pulled away at the same time, staring at each other. Remus' hands were still on her waist. He slowly dropped them and stepped back.

They stood in silence for what felt like forever. Cassie's head was spinning. She felt like she should say something, but didn't have any words. Instead she chose the only other option she could see; she turned rapidly and made for the door, trying to resist the urge to run.

“Don't go.”

The crack in his voice as he spoke made her stop.

She hesitated for a split second, then slowly turned to face him.

“We...we need to talk about this now, or we won't talk at all. I couldn't forgive myself for that.” he said quietly. His eyes were fixed intently on hers, pleading. _Don't go_.

The look of sheer desperation on his face was enough for her.

“Okay.” she said, putting down her bag. “I'm not going anywhere.”

Remus just nodded. He seemed to have used up all of his courage asking her to stay and was avoiding eye contact by staring at the floor.

Cassie felt like she had to say something.

“I only...” she started, faltering over the word 'kissed'. She tried again in a different way. “I felt like I was going to hurt you. I was just so angry...it doesn't make any sense now.”

He looked up, seemingly glad for a place to start.

“Yes. That can happen. The hormones, the restlessness – all that pent up aggression with nowhere to go. Even after all these years I find it difficult to control....clearly.”

“I don't really remember what happened.” she admitted. “I didn't mean...”

“I should have had more control.” he interrupted, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I shouldn't have said the things I did.”

“You were right though.”

“No, I wasn't. I'm here to help you, and not just because I'm supposed to be. I do care about you Cassie-”

“But you're my teacher.”

“That shouldn't matter. You need someone right now.”

“We're going round in circles.” Cassie said, shaking her head. She looked around in desperation and her eyes settled on his desk. Determinedly, she pulled up a chair and sat down.

“What are you doing?”

She indicated for him to take his seat in the chair behind the desk. He did so slowly, watching her closely.

“I think we need to start again.” She stuck out her hand. “Hi, I'm Cassie Fawley.”

Remus looked blankly at her.

“You're supposed to shake it.” she prompted.

He took the hand and shook it slowly.

“Professor Lupin.” he said.

“I'm a werewolf.” she continued.

“What a coincidence.” he said, sounding almost bemused. “So am I.”

“I have family problems that mean I'm frequently in a bad mood and am prone to attachment issues, but that's the extent you need to know about that.”

Remus couldn't help but chuckle. “Well, I suppose I've been made somewhat bitter by past events in my life. I will certainly try my best not to take any of this out on you, as that would be incredibly unfair.”

“Excellent.” Cassie smiled awkwardly, unsure what to say next.

“Interesting approach.” noted Remus.

She shrugged. “This was where we had our first conversation. It felt appropriate.”

“And now what?”

“We move on. Maybe at a slightly slower pace this time, but onwards.”

****

But when Cassie awoke from a dream filled by firm wondering hands and soft lips, she realised that moving on might not be quite as easy as she had anticipated. She lay in her bed, staring up at the hangings and as the memory of surprisingly strong arms wrapped around her kept creeping into her mind no matter how hard she guiltily tried to push it back.

 _Well_ , she thought as she allowed herself to sink back into sleep _, it couldn't hurt to just_ think _about it..._

As soon as that thought crossed her mind she realised just how much trouble she was in.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's beard, has this been a long time coming. I've actually had most of this chapter written for ages, but events out of my control just meant that it fell by the wayside. I'm so sorry for the delay, and very grateful for those of you that have waited very patiently!
> 
> My plan for now is to go back and make some very minor edits to the previous chapters, but only in fixing typos and cleaning up some dialogue and so on. Then it will be onwards and upwards!...hopefully.


	18. Alone

They agreed that it would be safer for them to take their Wolfsbane in the Hospital Wing from then on ( _Safer from what?_ wondered Cassie as Remus said that word, but she didn’t ask), an arrangement that pleased Madam Pomfrey no end. Cassie timed her visits carefully, using her free periods when Remus was likely teaching to collect the potion. Her stomach knotted every time she approached though, in case she pushed open the heavy wooden doors and saw him there. Whether this feeling was guilty anticipation or just sheer terror, she couldn’t say.

She was mostly successful in avoiding Remus for that week. She sat silently in lessons, her head down over her textbook, and his eyes skipped awkwardly over her whenever he called upon the class for an answer. They passed each other in the corridors as if the other didn’t exist, although Cassie was more acutely aware of his presence than ever.

Not having Remus to talk to affected her more greatly than she could have predicted and it was making her melancholy, which Amy and Izzy couldn’t fail to notice. Of course in theory she could talk to them, but she wasn’t sure that Amy – who had admittedly been incredibly supportive ever since the Snape essay crisis – was emotionally ready to talk about werewolf matters. She did broach some topics tentatively with Izzy and she sympathised greatly, but it wasn’t the same as having someone who knew first hand and was going through it with her.

Her evasion of Remus was mostly successful until two days before the full moon. Amy hadn’t been able to wake her and so had just left her in bed until she woke just after lunch. She tried to stay in bed and read but she was unbearably restless all of a sudden. After half an hour of reading the same sentence over and over again and not taking it in she decided to make the trip up to the fourth floor to collect her potion. She dressed quickly and took the stairs two at a time, humming tunelessly to herself. She stopped suddenly as she pushed the Hospital Wing door ajar and heard Remus’ voice coming from Madam Pomfrey’s office.

She considered leaving quietly and coming back later – they didn’t seem to have heard the door opening - but she heard her name and hovered to hear more.

“I just don't understand.” Madam Pomfrey was saying indignantly. “You were the one who was so insistent you should do this together.”

“I know Poppy. I just feel that considering the circumstances, Cassie might...benefit from this, that's all.”

“Benefit from being left alone? I don't know that I'm comfortable with that Remus, not at all.”

There was no reply to this. Cassie could tell that Remus was floundering for an answer. She sighed and knocked on the door.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help overhearing.” she said, stepping into the office. Remus looked embarrassed, but she caught his eye and gave a look that said _go along with it_. “I’m assuming you’re telling her about what we discussed?”

“Oh, um…yes, of course.”

“You discussed this?”

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking recently. I’m finishing school in a few months’ time. I need to be able to do this myself. Professor Lupin agreed, but it was my idea.”

Madam Pomfrey scowled, but she threw her hands up in defeat. “I should know better that to argue with you two.”

She turned away and Remus mouthed 'thank you' behind her back. Cassie gave him a tight smile and averted her eyes, staring at the floor while Madam Pomfrey prepared their potions. She didn't mention that the reason she had an argument prepared was because she had been planning to ask the same thing herself.

****

The day of the full moon came and Cassie was led, shivering and pathetic, to the empty classroom from her first transformation at the school. Madam Pomfrey seemed reluctant to leave her alone, fussing over Cassie and her blankets and asking repeatedly if she was warm enough. Cassie’s eyes began to feel impossibly heavy and she drifted off. When she woke the matron was gone and she was by herself.

She’d taken her watch off for the transformation and so had no idea what time it was. She got up and stretched, trying to approximate from the position of the moon what time it was before giving up; she’d never been particularly good at Astronomy. Pacing didn’t do much to take the edge off her agitation, so she sat and drummed on the table to keep her hands busy. It wasn’t helpful, she knew, but she couldn’t help but wonder what Remus was doing. He’d be up in his office presumably, probably sat reading. She’d never known how he could look so calm when she knew how tense he must be. It was only the rapid jiggling of his leg that betrayed his outer composure. She wondered if he was feeling her absence as much as she felt his, and found herself quietly hoping that he was.

It was ridiculous, she told herself. She had fucked up the one thing that was keeping her head above water because she couldn’t keep her feelings in check – feelings, she reminded herself forcefully, that she shouldn’t be having. Not for Remus. He was her friend, her mentor and her teacher. None of that involved the kind of daydreams she’d been having. As they began to rebuild the trust they’d had she made herself promise to keep her distance and definitely never think about kissing him again, _ever_ , even if the memory was really very nice…

She’d phased out while contemplating this, and as she brought herself guiltily back to the present she realised that the moonlight had become much brighter; more time must have passed then she had thought. There was a sharp edge to the air now, cold like steel that she felt under her skin. She stiffened, instinctively waiting for something to happen.

Then she felt her gut being ripped open and fell to her knees, clutching at the skin that was stretching and reforming itself under her fingers. She was vaguely aware of her own screams as she clawed at her chest, her hands coming away wet with her own blood. There was a pounding in her head, constant and urgent, and it seemed to be getting louder.

There was a sudden burst of light and Cassie looked up with blurry vision to see Remus stood in the now open doorway. He was drenched in sweat and the robe he wore was stained red with blood that was pouring from a gash across his cheek. Cassie mustered any remaining strength she had and reached for him, and blacked out just as his hand grasped hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart is Remus Lupin fluff and nothing can ever change that.
> 
> Thank you all so much for your lovely comments in between chapters. They really mean a lot to me :) Apologies for the brevity of this chapter, but the next one should be longer and full of emotional soul-searching and some lovely angst.


	19. Closure, Of Sorts

Cassie awoke in the morning wrapped tightly in Remus’ arms. He was hot against her bare skin, and his breath tickled the back of her neck. She could tell from the slow rise and fall of his chest that he was still asleep. If she were sensible, she thought, she would try and extract herself from his tight grip while that was still the case and avoid the inevitable embarrassment. Instead she appreciated the feeling of him pressed against her back and dozed off listening to the sound of his quiet snoring.

****

When she woke again he was gone from her side. She sat up sleepily and looked around for him. He was on the other side of the classroom cleaning the cut across his face with water from his wand, facing away from her. Cassie watched his movements, admiring his steady hand and the methodical way he tended to his wounds. She realised that she’d never really looked at him before; he was normally hidden under shapeless robes or thick woollen jumpers in his downtime, and when he was exposed during the full moon she had other priorities. He was lean, although she knew from the times that he had carried her to the dormitory that he was stronger than he looked. His back was riddled with raised scars mixed with some fresher cuts. Cassie didn’t want to think about how the worse ones had been inflicted. She watched him for a while before realising that that was hugely inappropriate and actually really creepy, and busied herself putting on the dressing gown that had been provided for her by the Matron.

As she reached for it there was a tearing pain in her gut that made her cry out. Remus was at her side instantly.

“What’s wrong Cassie?”

“ _God fucking damn it_!” She clutched at her stomach and winced.

“Let me see.”

Gently Remus lifted her arm. It was sticky with blood, but underneath it was worse. The skin across the left side of her abdomen had been split cleanly by a claw during her transformation. It wasn’t a dangerous cut, but it was still bleeding quite profusely and definitely needed attention.

“Oh dear.”

“Y’think?” snapped Cassie, agitated. “Sorry, just – _ow_!”

“I know, I know.” Remus murmured soothingly. “I’m no healer, but I do have some…personal experience with this kind of wound. It should do until Poppy gets here.”

He grabbed her dressing gown and wrapped it around her to cover her; the pain had made Cassie forget that she was actually naked, although strangely she didn’t feel that embarrassed. Then he placed an arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick comforting squeeze before guiding her gently to the ground, laying her out so he could work properly. Cassie closed her eyes and tried not to cry as he began casting healing charms. She could feel the skin of her stomach knitting itself back together, a sensation that made her feel sick, so she tried to focus on Remus’ calm quiet voice. After what felt like forever he finished and helped her to sit back up.

“That should be fine now, but it would be best to get Madam Pomfrey to look at it. Just to be safe.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t be too grateful. I can’t do anything to stop it scarring.”

Cassie laughed, but that made her stomach hurt. “So I’ll be a proper werewolf now. Scars and all.”

“I’m afraid so.”

“I really feel like part of the club now.”

“Some club.”

Remus paused, seeming to be trying to find the words he wanted.

“I’m sorry I tried to leave you on your own.”

“You were being sensible.”

He shook his head. “I was in my office just worrying about you, hoping you’d be okay. Then I felt the first pain…I knew it would be a bad one and I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t check that you were okay.”

“Aw, you do care.”

“It’s just as well I did. You made a complete mess of yourself.”

“I’m sure I would have coped somehow.”

They both fell quiet. Cassie couldn’t quite put into words how grateful she was that Remus had come back to her. She had been naïve for believing that she could make it through a transformation herself this soon. She’d been trying to be brave, but the fact remained that what she was still terrified her, but somehow Remus made things better. He was a sign that she could still turn out to be good despite everything. She wanted to tell him all of this, but no way she could phrase it in her head was enough. Instead she reached for him, ignoring the pain in her abdomen, and pulled him into a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around her and didn’t let go until they heard the lock click as Madam Pomfrey arrived.

She raised her eyebrows when she saw Remus there, but was rapidly distracted by the blood that had soaked onto Cassie’s robe. Remus stepped back to allow her to work.

“These are actually fairly well done Remus.” Madam Pomfrey said as she checked the wound. “A little messy in places, but it’ll hold well.”

“High praise indeed.”

“I don’t suppose you’re going to let me look you over, are you?”

“I can sort myself out Poppy.” replied Remus with a shake of his head. “Cassie is the priority here.”

Madam Pomfrey tutted. “I thought as much.”

She returned to fussing over Cassie’s wound. Besides a few additional charms to make sure it wouldn’t split again if she moved too suddenly there was actually very little to be done with it, but there was no arguing when she demanded that Cassie return with her to the Hospital Wing to make sure it was cleaned and disinfected properly, and to make sure that she was properly rested before even thinking about returning to the Common Room. Cassie wasn’t going to complain; she was exhausted, in pain and just wanted to curl up under the covers. She was also confused as to what Remus’ reappearance last night meant for her – for them – and she needed some time to think it over.

****

Amy and Izzy came to the Hospital Wing late on Sunday morning to gather around her bed and keep her company.

“How did you know I was here?” asked a bleary eyed Cassie, who had been woken up by their arrival.

“We woke up to a note from our favourite teacher.” Amy replied as she settled into her chair. “Is it bad?”

“Not the worst. Kind of like I stabbed myself, but only slightly. A light stabbing, if you will.”

“Oh, Cassie.” Izzy put a reassuring hand on hers. “I’m sorry.”

Cassie shrugged. The healing spells combined with the pain relieving potions that Madam Pomfrey had given her made the movement possible.

“It happens. I kind of have to get used to it.”

“Still,” said Amy “kind of sucks though.”

“That it does.”

“Is it likely to happen often?” asked Izzy.

“Judging by Remus’ scars, yes.” said Cassie without thinking.

Her friends exchanged knowing looks.

“Remus, is it now?”

“Shut up Amy.” Cassie could feel her face turning red. “It’s just easier.”

“She’s blushing! Does _Remus_ have a special nickname for you then?”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“That’s enough Amy.” said Izzy gently.

“Oh, _Remus_.”

“Am I under discussion?” Remus peered around the curtain. “Do I need to leave again?”

“Oh, Professor Lupin!” Izzy greeted him, throwing a filthy look at Amy who had the good grace to look suitably embarrassed. “No, it’s okay.”

Remus pulled up a chair at the side of the bed and joined them.

“I just wanted to see how you were. It was nasty last night.”

“I’m fine, I guess. I’m a little high on Wiggenweld Potion but beyond that it’s okay.”

“Good. I wanted to give you this…” He held out a poultice wrapped in cloth. “I whipped it up this morning once I escaped from Madam Pomfrey’s clutches. It should fade the scarring a little, although I’m afraid I can’t do anything to get rid of it completely.”

Cassie took it from him. It had a slightly pungent odour that he had clearly tried to mask with a more floral scent.

“Rosemary?”

“Yes, very good. It can leave a nasty burning smell on your clothes for days if you don’t add something to it. It makes it much nicer to hold on your skin too.”

“Thank you. And thank you for letting these two know where I was too. Izzy would have had a heart attack if she couldn’t find me.”

“That’s hardly fair!” protested Izzy at the same time as Amy agreed “True.”

“I should leave you ladies to yourselves. I’m sure I have some marking to catch up on.”

“You don’t have to go.” said Amy. “You’re quite decent company, for a teacher. Besides, Madam Pomfrey’s going to come and kick us out soon, and she’s more likely to let us stay if you’re with us.”

Remus laughed. “That’s high praise from you Amy. I’ll be sure to put that on my résumé from now on.”

Cassie and Izzy caught each other’s eye and smiled. Amy was clearly still trying to make amends for her behaviour towards Remus earlier in the year; she’d become a model student in Defence Against the Dark Arts and was often seen chatting to him if they crossed paths in the corridor. She’d confided to Cassie why she was so keen to be friendly one evening while Izzy was at a study group in the library.

“Not gonna lie, your relationship’s really weird. But he’s important to you, so he’s important to me.”

Cassie had pulled her into a crushing hug and not let go until she’d been threatened with a Tickling Charm.

The four of them sat (or in Cassie’s case, lay) in the Hospital Wing until it started to get dark, discussing anything and everything from teacher gossip to tips for NEWTS. Amy kept trying to get Remus to tell them what shenanigans he’d got up to during his school days, but to her frustration all he would do was smile enigmatically and change the subject. Occasionally he’d look at Cassie and she would grin; she’d been privy to hundreds of stories about the Marauder’s hijinks during their evenings together.

Eventually Amy’s growling stomach refused to be ignored any longer, so she and Izzy hugged Cassie delicately and left for lunch in the Great Hall, promising to be back as soon as they'd finished.

“How is it you’re always up and back to work the day after the full moon?” asked Cassie when they’d gone. “You seem tired but otherwise completely fine, and I’m stuck in bed. It’s not fair.”

“Honestly, you just get used to it. Your body learns how to deal with the exhaustion and the recovery becomes less hard work, mainly because your ‘regular’ state isn’t so healthy anymore. You have less of a recovery to make.”

“That’s another one of those fun answers I love so much. ‘Because your body is slowly killing itself’. Awesome.”

Remus looked seriously at her. “Everyone’s bodies are dying Cassie. It’s just that we’re doing it at a slightly faster rate than everyone else.”

“So a werewolf’s lifespan is shorter than a normal person?” asked Cassie. This was news to her, and made her feel a little sick.

“Being a werewolf itself won’t actually shorten your life, but the tiredness makes us more susceptible to illnesses that can kill us, especially as we get older. Or some lycanthropes, especially before the discovery of the Wolfsbane Potion, would accidentally hurt themselves or get into dangerous situations while in werewolf form. And then there are some of us who just decide that we don’t want to do it anymore.”

He fell quiet. Cassie searched for something to say.

“You knew someone?”

“Yes. We have a tendency to band together, where we can find each other. You know the signs well enough that it becomes relatively easy to spot them in others. There was one…Leanna. Leanna Gifford. She worked in the inn next door to a bookshop I worked in a few years ago.”

“I’m sorry.”

Remus shook his head.

“I’ve been incredibly lucky; I’ve had good people around me, and Dumbledore offering me this position has been nothing short of a miracle. I can only hope that things are better for you than they were for me. Besides, you have good friends. I can’t imagine they’d forget about you.”

“I guess not.”

They were quiet for a little longer before Remus spoke again.

“We do need to be careful Cassie. This situation is volatile. But I care too much about you to cut you off completely.”

“I care about you too.” she blurted out before the moment passed. “I want you to be happy.”

Remus ducked his head, but Cassie caught the slight gleam of tears in his eyes.

“I appreciate that. More than you know. I suppose I hated to admit it before, but I think I need you as much as you need me.”

“I’m happy to be here.”

Remus nodded.

“I’m not sure what to suggest as a next move.” he admitted.

“One day at a time?”

“That works for me.”

There was a pregnant pause where he clearly wanted to say something else, but after a moment he pulled himself to his feet instead.

“I suppose I’d better get to work on that marking. The fifth years have some mock OWL essays I want to get back to them by tomorrow.”

“Alright. Don’t push yourself though.”

“I’ll try.”

He turned to leave.

“Remus?”

“Mmm?”

“Thank you. For coming back for me.”

“Like I said, I couldn’t have lived with myself if I’d left you.”

He disappeared behind the curtain. Cassie listened to his footsteps and the click of the door to the Hospital Wing closing behind him. As Madam Pomfrey came over to check on her she tried to hide her glowing grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's beard, thank you all for being so patient with me. I can't believe all of the amazing comments I'm getting on this. It's nice to think that people are actually enjoying my ridiculous daydream.


	20. Some Kind of Normal

They settled easily back into a comfortable routine after that, although Cassie was always careful not to overstep the unspoken boundaries that now existed between them. It had taken too long to reach this delicate balance and she didn’t want to sabotage it by doing something stupid now. They still met in his office every couple of weeks for a ‘catch up’, as he called them, but it wasn’t the same. Cassie found herself silently checking herself after divulging anything personal to see if she had crossed the line, and she never stayed for longer than an hour, so the cozy teatimes by the fire were gone.

The chats they had were mostly about how she was functioning with school. NEWTs were rapidly approaching and the workload was getting heavier, but with her friends’ help she was just about keeping on top of things. Izzy was her self-appointed life guru and was working miracles by somehow managing to fit in enough time for work, revision and eight hours sleep every night; her health, as she constantly reminded Cassie, was even more important than her exam results. Amy for once was taking the more intense method of the two by dragging her to the library every time they had a free period together, although Cassie wasn’t sure how much of this was because she was concerned for Cassie’s results rather than because Amy was feeling the pressure hard.

“She wants to be a healer.” Cassie explained as she sipped her tea at one meeting. Remus had asked what they were all planning on doing once they left Hogwarts at the end of the year. “She needs Exceeds Expectations in Potions and Herbology, which she’ll get _easily_ , but she’s worried…”

“Amy never seemed the type to get stressed over schoolwork.” Remus said with a not-unkind laugh.

Cassie shook her head. “She’s harder on herself than anyone else could ever be. She’s just good at pretending she doesn’t care.”

“What about Izzy?”

“Translation work for the Ministry. She’s always been a natural with languages.”

“And what about you?”

Cassie pressed her lips together tightly. What about her? She’d been asking herself that question a lot that year.

“Well, I always wanted to do something with magical creatures. Maybe open a sanctuary, y’know, take in creatures that couldn’t find a home.”

Remus smiled. “That sounds like an excellent fit for you.”

“My mother didn’t think so.”

“Oh? What was her alternative then?”

Cassie laughed. This argument had been her entire life, an inevitable sour turn in the conversation whenever she and her mother were in the same room. It had gone far beyond the point where she found it hurtful or irritating, and now the whole concept was just funny to her.

“Why would I need to work when I could be popping out dozens of pure-blood babies for some wealthy husband from a suitable family?”

Remus’ face was unreadable and he didn’t say anything so Cassie continued, hoping to get him to see just how hilariously fucked this whole situation was.

“Of course, there’s a distinct lack of ‘real’ pure bloods at the moment. There’s the Malfoy brat and his friends, but that would require me to be a spinster relying on the generosity of my parents for a few years and the sooner they can get me out of their house the better. Or there’s always their friends that didn’t settle down after the war.”

“Who?” Cassie didn’t pick up on the lack of emotion in his voice when he asked this.

“Well, McNair expressed his interest…”

Remus threw his chair back and stalked over to the window.

“You okay there?”

“How can you be so blasé about this?” he asked. Cassie was surprised that his voice was shaking. “McNair is a Death Eater and a murderer.”

“You get quite used to murders when they’re a staple topic of conversation around the breakfast table.”

“You don’t understand!” He started pacing, clearly agitated now. “You don’t know the things McNair has done, not first hand. During the war…he’s a monster.”

Cassie paused. As far as she was concerned this was a huge joke – when had she _ever_ done what her parents wanted? – but Remus seemed to be taking it really badly.

“Look, it’s not a problem any more. I’m the shame of the family since I was bitten. They’re going to wash their hands of me the second I graduate.”

Remus stopped pacing and took a deep breath. There was a long pause before he said quietly “I’ll make more tea.”

He wordlessly filled the kettle with a stream of water that poured from the end of his wand and lit a fire beneath it. He stared at it so hard while it was heating up it seemed to Cassie like he was trying to boil it with his mind. She watched him closely, trying to work out how to proceed. It seemed obvious now that ‘Future Marriage Prospects’ was way beyond the line of subjects that were far too personal. Years of shouting matches with her mother on the topic had made her forget that these things were absolutely not normal or funny, and were _definitely_ not appropriate to talk about with a teacher, let alone a teacher whose lips had been on hers merely metres from where she was currently sitting. She brushed the memory of that from her mind – she was refusing to let herself dwell on it apart from in a few vulnerable moments when she was alone and her hands and mind were wandering, and she always felt incredibly guilty afterwards – and realised that Remus still hadn’t spoken.

“You’re really concerned about this, aren’t you?” she asked.

He didn’t reply instantly but poured the tea, carried the cups back to his desk and handed her hers. When he sat down he took a sip and finally spoke.

“I would be concerned for anyone’s safety in your position, but perhaps due to our situation I find myself feeling a little more…protective of you.”

Cassie’s stomach tied itself into a tight knot.

“I’ve taken care of myself this far.” she said defensively, then relented. “But I appreciate it. I really do.”

They sipped tea in silence until Cassie couldn’t take it any longer.

“Professor Snape said there might be some merit to my theory about adding a numbing effect to the Wolfsbane Potion to reduce pain levels.”

“Really?” Remus asked. He seemed genuinely interested, but Cassie noticed the tension leaving his body as she changed the subject. “Does he think there’s anything that could be done to counter it?”

“He didn’t really say. I have to wear him down a little at a time, you know what he’s like. I clearly have no insight to add over the great Potions Masters of yore…”

Remus laughed, and Cassie couldn’t help but smile. His careworn face was more youthful when he laughed, and being the cause of that made her feel warm inside.

 _Well shit._ she thought. _I’m well and truly fucked._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. It's been a while, huh? I have become the thing I hate most...a fic author who never updates. Thank you everyone for your patience!


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